Marriage breakdown

[Frenchstatue]

Hi everyone,
Marriage has been breaking down all year. Ive kept trying to make it work but thinks are getting ridiculous.
I honestly believe my husband needs to go and work on himself if we are to give this a chance but he is not interested in speaking to anyone. He has always been a bit paranoid but we have always been able to deal with it without causing massive agruments.
He claims he will not leave our martial home and will just live here - suggesting we each look after ourselves and even has said he wants to begin looking for someone else as he thinks i am not interested in sex with him because he thinks i am repulsed by him because i have fallen asleep when he is trying to instigate. This is not the case, i work fulltime, we have 2 kids who have very hectic social lives and i am just straight up tired..
I think i just needed to rant as i do believe this is beyond repair.

It's disappointing that he won't speak to anyone. Can you suggest that you want to make it work until the children are a certain age. Have a brutally honest conversation about what a separation would look like. He may get 'cold feet'. I get the feeling that your marriage could be revived, if you can get the communication back on track. I used to work for lawyers dealing with divorce. Our clients often had young children - the stresses got too much. It was very sad.

What do you mean when you write he’s always been a bit paranoid?

Ranting is all very well and good but it’s no solution.

Be brave here and make the break sooner rather than later. No-one, least of all
your kids, will benefit from being further raised in such a household. You have a choice re this man, they do not.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. If divorce becomes adversarial that causes harm, not the process itself.

Hey, so he used to go through my phone a lot - we spoke about that and he has now stopped but every now and again he slips into old habits. If i be playing games on my phone he assumes i am texting people or if i take a bit longer when i nip out for groceries he would joke that i have been off meeting men but it is a joke with a jag..

I think i have known what i need to do for a while now but i keep thinking i can save it..

I have done a bit of reading about divorce and now im terrified as he has no savings but i do and i have worked really hard to be frugal on part time hrs to build a safety net. Info regarding divorce reads to me that I stand to lose more than him - i probably need to actually seek proper advice. But now i feel stuck and have a massive ball of anxiety in my chest

Yes this is my worry - my son has been going through a really hard time at school with bullies and i know this will be additional stress for him which will obviosuly not help how he is feeling

Is your husband depressed? The paranoia you describe sounds like jealousy, of you choosing others ahead of him. Try to set a boundary around this behaviour. Setting boundaries has been a game changer in my marriage. So far I've only set a few, around anger and moodiness, but it's been remarkable. A counsellor helped me to articulate my first boundary. It's not easy! But it seems to have changed everything.