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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

so we are splitting up after 11 yrs

8 replies

candyfluff · 30/05/2008 16:11

lots of stuff to be sorted out am very upset and scared that i wont be able to cope.......... how hard is it???

OP posts:
fransmom · 30/05/2008 16:13

oh sweetheart, i would suggest that through this time you are not hard on yourself (((((((((((((candyfluff))))))))))))) take a deep breath and maybe go to see your local citizens advice bureau. they will tell you of the times they are open and the first time you go, the situation will be assessed to see who is bestplaced to help you. hth and good luck xxxx

fransmom · 30/05/2008 16:34

bump

hls · 30/05/2008 17:41

Can you give more details? children? ages? working or not? Reasons for split?

littlewoman · 30/05/2008 22:44

Candyfluff, it won't be easy on any of you, but if you stay and post we will all help however we can.

I'm very sorry this has happened to your family.

brightwell · 31/05/2008 01:56

It isn't easy, I'm 9 years down the road! You have bad days, even worse days and then good days. You just have to ride it. At some point you come out the other end.

lou33 · 31/05/2008 02:47

you will cope because you have to

and at some point you will realise what a good job you are doing, and it isnt so bad after all, even though you have low points

have more faith in yourself , it will be ok

bamzooki · 31/05/2008 10:42

Candyfluff - I am going through this right now after 15 yrs marriage, and the amount of stuff to deal with is very daunting isn't it?
My H moved out only a few weeks ago - to 'get some space', and eventually admitted he wasn't coming back, and is now in a house with a new woman.
A lot will depend on your circumstances - whether you can speak rationally to your H etc, but I second the CAB, mine have been fab. I have a free hour with a solicitor next week to go over a few basics.
I have good days and low days, but every time I think of something that will be easier/better/don't have to put up with anymore without him, I write it down, so that I can read it over during sad moments.

A friend once told me this kind of joke - 'How do you eat an elephant? - One bite at a time'.
Which is kind of silly, but I find myself thinking of it a lot these days - there is so much to tackle, but you can only deal with one bit at a time. Baby steps.
I have started with Council Tax, and Child Tax Credit claims, and next is to try and get him to take more of his stuff so I can reclaim the house as mine.

It is hard, and I know I am very good at sounding like I am in control of the situation but I promise you that is not always the case. MN has been a blessing at low times for me. There is always someone to talk to.
Good Luck

Original poster
candyfluff · 05/06/2008 11:46

thanks for all your advice ladies but we have decided to try again for the sake of our three kids but dont hold out much hope for the future

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