I’m bored

[Theholycow]

Been married just over a year and as much as I love my DH…I’m bored.

Im in my late 40’s, he’s early 50’s but he’s lazy. Yes he does work long hours, but when he’s home he’s either glued to his phone, or asleep on the sofa. We have sex on his terms, basically when he can be arsed.

Im really starting to feel myself pull away from him, but I can’t have another failed marriage under my belt, but I’m so bored.

Sympathies OP. This can’t go on but I doubt he will change because he has it great.

Are you basically just his housekeeper?

@DollytheShape that’s exactly how I feel. I’ve spoken to him about how I feel, but it goes in one ear and out the other.

Has he done a bait and switch?

Has he changed since you got married?

@MiloMinderbinder925 what does that mean?

@Runningismyhappyplace50 he’s got worse. He just doesn’t care how I feel. It really is all about him.

He pretended to be someone else before marriage and changed upon marriage. I wouldn't have married someone who did nothing but scroll on their phone.

1. You’re too old for that shit
2. Life’s too short

Don’t muck about, don’t delay. Get rid and move on ASAP.

@MiloMinderbinder925 yeah. When we were dating he used to put his phone down and we would talk and have a laugh, now it’s hard to get a conversation out of him, unless it’s about him or his work.

I don’t feel sexually turned on by him anymore because I find his lack of affection a real turn off and I’m really struggling with what to do.

You surely would have spotted this behaviour before you got married a year ago, no?

@Beenaboutabit but I really can’t put my DC through that again. I feel as though I’m going to have to put up until they are older.

Why does it matter if you have a failed marriage? Is it because of what others might think? If so then just think about what will make you happy as that's surely more important. One year in is too soon for that to be happening, you know that. He has to shape up or ship out. I'd be bored with too.

It isn’t a question of talking to him about it. Why would he change? He will not care that you are disappointed - it works very well for him. The only way to get change is action.

You ask him to leave until you’ve had some counselling sessions.

You cannot allow your DC to see you treated as a housekeeper. That is terrible.

Well you give him a pretty clear ultimatum: buck up or the marriage will be over within 3 months. Make it a very factual statement, explain exactly what you need and what the consequences will be if you don’t get it.

If you let him get away with this now, it will just be like this forever. You know he CAN be a good companion and good in bed, so this is just his laziness.

As for being his housekeeper - no way! Tell him you’ll do the bins, the DIY and the garden and he can do everything in the house including the cooking. See how he likes it.

Well he’s got things the way he wanted and has cynically now showed his true colours.

ultimatum needed? I’d be quitting this otherwise as with age he’ll only get worse.

This sounds deadly boring. Do you think he would take you seriously if you explained what you expect, and what the consequences will be if he doesn't step up?

I was living in a very similar situation, I didn't want my DC to see their mum treated that way, or have them think this was normal conduct in a relationship. It boggled my brain why anyone would want to be so idle and get so little from life.