Should I forgive my mum?

[Vickifarley]

Hi there all, I haven't spoke to my mother for about a month and half, we feel out as she
I tried to tell her how she makes me feel over 13 years, when me and my partner lost a baby in 2017 we had a eptopic pregnancy, my mum and year after said to me well it wasn't a baby though was it! She always been different with me and my girls, trying to tell me how to parent my children, when their on holiday I should be taking them out everyday ect. But I spoke to her about all of this and other stuff and she will not accept she anything she has said or done. She also overheard my eldest daugher how is 10 talking about their other grandparents that they take her and our other 2 girls out, my mum has never driven. But my mum has took it completely wrong and apparently my daughter is old enough to know what she is saying. All my daughters have very kind hearts. And my mother has said she doesn't give a shit that she is 10 or no it is f**king spiteful apparently. She has really upset my daughter and odviously me. I will never go against my daughter even. My kids mean the world to me!! But should I try and sort it out as it is really upset my dad. I have odviously offered my dad over for tea and all with us and he won't because my mum isn't invited. I got married yesterday and my mum did speak to me and told me it is because of me (her) that my dad come to see me and partner get married. I am honestly so frustrated and don't know what to do for the best but my girls and partner mean the world to me.

Wow, have we got the same mother? I really feel for you.

It's so hard when you love one parent but have massive problems with the other.

I loathe my mother but she was easier to deal with before my Dad (who was my best friend) died last year.

Without Dad to pull her nasty head in- she's far worse and I've largely gone NC with her. Other than to send her birthday & Mothers' Day presents from my DS9.

I think I'd focus on your relationship with your Dad and first of all, your kids. If your Mum is not nice, don't feel guilt for not forgiving her.

Congrats on your marriage! X

Forgive her?. Neither have shown any remorse . Forget that idea and instead not have them in your lives.

Both parents continue to fail you. it’s not your fault your mother is the ways she is and you did not make her that way. you are the scapegoat for her inherent ills.

Your dad has also failed you as a parent here because he continues to be her enabler and secondary abuser. He will not attend anywhere without her dnd he has chosen a side here - his wife’s, He will continue to throw you under the bus.

I would have nothing more to do with either parent here; such types do not apologies nor accept any responsibility for their actions, You will need to grieve for the relationship you should have had rather than the one you actually got. Do consider reading and or posting on the current Well we took you to Stately homes thread. Reading Susan Forward’s book Toxic Parents could also be helpful.