not sure what to do

[CallySally]

my relationship isn't good at the moment. i'm not sure what to do. we have young children. We argue quite a lot. It was different before we had kids. We didn't argue much. But I just feel like he's become so snappy and he just doesn't seem to listen to my point of view anymore.

He doesn't seem to a knowledge the way I feel anymore. I don't want to separate my family but i'm not sure how at feel. I suggested counselling a while back but he wasn't keen. I accept it's hard having young children and that arguments happen. But it's like i'm talking to someone who just doesn't get it - I sometimes feel I would be happier single, but the thought of not seeing my children and breaking up the family is devastating.

There's obviously a lot of resentment on both sides and you're not really communicating. You need an open conversation where you can both be vulnerable and listen to each other.

There's information on good communication and other things like toolkits on the Relate website:
https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/toolkits/couple-relationship-audit

You can do couple's counselling alone if he won't go, it can help you make changes even if it's to decide to end it.

we argued A LOT when kids were young (plus house move and renovation thrown into the mix). I think sleep deprivation and being pulled in so many directions… the good times were good but the bad bits were awful.

thankfully now kids are getting older we rarely argue at all again and we are happy.

I think seeking some counselling alone if your partner won’t join you is a good idea

Thank you, that's really helpful. It's good to know you have worked through it and are now happy.

Counselling on my own is a really good call- thanks both for the suggestion. I think I will try this.

This is the most difficult time for couples- small children. It gets much better when you get more sleep, your kids become more independent so you feel less resentful about having to do everything, and sex gets better and more frequent because of those two things!