Please advise what I should do

[Guffy]

I’m 66 and been in a great relationship for 10 years.we are not married but I love my partner dearly. Recently I suspected there was someone else involved and ot came to a head last night where she said she was going to spend the night with him. I was utterly devastated not lease because I didn’t believe she was capable of being so cruel. After spending all evening crying and my heart pounding I received a text asking if I was ok! I simply replied ‘no I’m not’. I don’t know what to do - we live in a shared house with no mortgage and literally everything I did was together. I’m heartbroken

Did she spend the night with him? What does he say about the fact you suspect he's having an affair?

She is trying to have her cake and eat it too, she spends the night with another man then texts you to ask if you are ok so she can also try and keep you on side…..I personally wouldn’t have responded to the text……ignore her when you see her until you have your head together and decide what to do but she is either in the relationship or not and definitely get to treat you like this

If you separated and sold the house would you be able to buy another house / apartment with the equity?

Unfortunately not, the house isn’t valuable enough to fund accommodation with half of it.
I really appreciate your reply though and in retrospect I should have ignored it but it’s so raw for me at the moment. She’s just gone out again now ( 4:40 Saturday) and told me she’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. Is this normal behaviour when someone is doing this or am I just a soft touch?

So she is blatantly cheating in front of you? That's awful. Is there any doubt that you have to end things, as heartbreaking as it may be? Your partner clearly has...

I suppose you have it in your head that she’ll come to the realisation that she’s making a mistake. What complicated matters is that we jointly own the house and can’t afford to buy on our respective halves. I’m not at the stage yet where I can tell her to eff off - I’m either too nice for my own good or a soft touch. Probably both. In the meantime Diazepam is th only thing that helps

In my opinion she has effectively ended the relationship by behaving like this.

There is NO WAY I would tolerate this behaviour.

Text her ‘You have effectively ended the relationship by your behaviour, we need to sit down and discuss the logistics of how we are going to separate’……see how she responds to that