Hi all,
I never thought I’d be writing this post but I’m at my wits end. I feel stuck in a loveless, sexless marriage and it’s only been 2 years since the big day!
Some context. We’ve been together for 8 years and practically grew up together. I was 20 when we met and 25 when we married, which in hindsight was quite young but it felt right at the time.
My husband is the most supportive, kind and funny guy I’ve ever met. We have quite an untraditional relationship where I work a lot more than he does, and as a result make a lot more money but am also out the house for many more hours. This means he does the majority of the cooking and cleaning. He’s happy to do this, but it often frustrates me that those around me often comment how amazing he is, how lucky I am, and make digs about the fact I don’t cook etc, when the sole reason for me not doing this is because I’m working long hours.
Financially it can be frustrating because whilst we have a joint account, we keep salaries sort of seperate too. I’m more of a saver, but he is always looking for the next designer shoe or flash car. It’s always me that ends up having to send him extra money near the end of the month and as such I very rarely treat myself which does cause me to be resentful, especially when others make comments about how lucky he is!
The financial aspect is just some background but the main reason for my concerns are because we are in a sexless marriage and have been for 20 months. We’ve sought help for this, and he has been referred to psycho sexual therapy which started a few months ago, to build confidence.
However, I’m increasingly finding myself in the situation where I think it could be damaged beyond repair. I feel incredibly insecure about myself having not had any intimacy for so long from a partner and incredibly rejected.
Sex has never been hugely important to me, and would never be the cause of a relationship breakdown but the lack of intimacy has really affected me. There’s been no desire, no close connection, nothing for such a long time that I feel just emotionless and lost. I’ve found myself thinking that even if the therapy works for him, I now don’t have that connection there as I’ve forced myself to shut down any emotional connection or want over the past few years.
It feels like due to this intimacy issue, we've firmly slipped into the friend zone. We are the best of friends and get on well, but the romance just isn’t there anymore.
In my culture, divorce is heavily forbidden, so I am absolutely terrified to tell a family member and divorce would be my last resort but I’m not sure where else to go from here or if it is beyond repair. My divorce would cause a lot of shame on my family and cause so many ripples but I don’t want to be unhappy.
I feel absolutely awful that only a few years ago my family paid for my whole 3-day wedding, have helped us buy a flat together and have welcomed him into the family for me to be the one calling it off.
To make matters worse, since we’ve been married I’m constantly asked if we are trying for a baby which I just don’t feel ready to do currently with us being in such an unstable place.
If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation before please do let me know. I just feel like I either need to accept that I’ll be unhappy and have no intimacy for the rest of my life, or I need to make a change.
Thank you!