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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Are some things better left unsaid?

8 replies

1SaladFinger · 22/08/2025 23:04

I had a really good thing going on with a guy. I had an awful relationship and haven't had one since meeting this new person so I really struggle to say how I feel and I dont like creating tension even if I feel upset. After seeing him a few times I realised he had an awful relationship too and only opened up a small amount. Doesn't discuss feelings, minimal contact after meeting each other, but when we were together it was amazing. We had a disagreement we tried to rekindle and it fizzled out, I tried to reach out through a text and I realise I didn't word it in the best terms as to how I actually felt.
It's been on and off for months because I know we both suffer from previous experiences and trust etc. In simple terms I wanted to know where I stood, but he dismissed me and would avoid speaking to me.
I stupidly couldn't express my feelings clear enough. It's not love but would have liked to have got to know him better and I feel the more I talk about feelings he backs off even more, so he decided it was best I move on.
I think deep down he suffers really bad with mental health and I would like to help him see that without being pushy or feel like im pressuring him to see me or stay in contact which isnt how i want him to feel. I'm also worried if i message it may cause more upset but I couldn't never read him sometimes. So I guess I'm asking do I let it be or reach out. I hope I've wrote this in a way that gets my point across, I really do struggle how to express my point, is it really just something better left unsaid

OP posts:
AnOldCynic · 22/08/2025 23:12

Leave it. It’s not love, don’t try to rescue him.

1SaladFinger · 22/08/2025 23:20

I just want to clarify, I'm over the trauma of my past relationship but I know I'll always have deep rotted issues with myself and I explained to him at the beginning sometimes I struggle to express what I feel clearly and there was no emotion back to that but we still very much enjoyed being around each other

OP posts:
Friendlygingercat · 22/08/2025 23:25

I find texting a very unsatisfactory way of communicating and best kept for making and confirming appointments. Emotions are better expressed in an email or even a good old fashioned letter which you can craft at leisure.

healthybychristmas · 22/08/2025 23:25

He can't communicate and he can't show emotion. I would leave it at that now and look around for someone new.

HeronPond · 22/08/2025 23:28

Neither of you is in the right place for a relationship, neither of you can communicate well, and you fell out. Just leave it.

LizzyEm · 22/08/2025 23:35

If you've moved on, why do you feel the need to put the boot in on him?

1SaladFinger · 22/08/2025 23:42

I moved on from my last relationship. Im talking about whatever this was, I haven't moved on, he suggested I move and I won't push him to continue seeing me. I just think he's struggling and maybe someone telling him that would open his eyes to see he's struggling. I don't struggle with mental health, I struggle to express how i feel and I'm open about that, doesn't mean I can't try to find happiness or new relationships

OP posts:
YetanotherNC25 · 22/08/2025 23:56

If he’s struggling with his mental health he probably knows that. Someone telling him won’t help at all. And you’re stuck in rescuer mode. Google the drama triangle.
Leave him be, no good will come of this.

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