Ex

[Lolill]

My ex of 3 years always used to pretend to hit me and sometimes I would play back or if he did something that hurt me I would tell him but he always used to go say “ if I was going to hit you I would have ages ago” and he meant like if he was an abuser but am I wrong in thinking that that’s not how it works and that if he did want to even after 3 years he would? It’s always been a thing that plays on my mind 😒

Let's just say it's for the best he's your ex, because that right there is some next level gaslighting fuckery.

Pretending to hit, and threatening that they are capable if they want to, is how physical abuse begins.

That's how it started in my case anyway. Luckily I got out before any lasting damage occurred, but I am certain he would have properly hurt me eventually.

It started with messing around playfighting like kids do, proceeded to 'games' (dropping a fisted hand onto me whilst I was relaxing and then saying 'I'm just playing'), then advanced to 'accidentally' hurting me (throwing a tennis ball very hard: 'sorry babe - that wasn't meant to hit you'), then worse - elbowing me hard in the ribs if I accidentally brushed past him ('well you did it to me').

Keep away from men who 'pretend' to hurt you.

Edited to add: in my case this escalation took 3 years and I ended it as soon as my eyes were opened by the elbowing incident. Next time I would leave at the earliest 'playing' stage.

Yes he used to threaten it too and also say sometimes I wanna hurt you and nurse you back to health I always thought that was weird too but I used to just laugh it off. And same with the play fighting he would get too into it and I always said to him to be careful cause he doesn’t know his own strength plus he was bigger than me too especially in weight wise and he was heavy handed. I always said when he said that he would have hit me ages ago if he was to do it and I always said but men have been with women for years and still end up hitting them and he was adamant that I was in the wrong. I’m glad you are out of it and you are safe x

I thought it wasn’t right or used to say sometime I wanna hurt you but then nurse you back to health which I always thought was weird but I would just laugh it off

It's a really sinister thing to want to do. He said it out loud to you as well.

I imagine he was testing your reaction.

He said he wanted to hurt you and that is exactly what he would have ended up doing.

I hope you are very far away from him now.