From social to an introvert

[Creek2025]

Married 13 years 16 together my husband has gone from being the party fun super social to a complete introvert when it comes to any kind of socialing to the point where he gives me crap and tries to fall out with me whenever we have to go anywhere with people.

it makes me feel so stressed before I go out I’ve got to the point where I hate getting invited out as a couple and would rather go out with the girls and then be moans at me and asks what time I will be home I feel like I have to clock watch.

i am never out super late and always keep him updated where I am but I just feel on edge constantly.

I always makes excuses why he isn’t there people actually don’t expect him to come so much now.

in the house he prefers to be watching his own thing so I’m sat on my own a lot at night.

He does things that suits him.

when we get invited to do something he makes such a fuss the majority of the time or he has to agree a time to go home we are always the first to leave it’s makes me feel awkward as I could have a full drink and enjoying myself.

we used to have such a lovely life and do things together at the weekends now I just feel lonely and fed up

i go to things alone a lot as don’t want to just work all week and then sit at my home on my own.

i don’t want to leave him but honestly feel like I live a single life but with the agg of his moods and miserableness.

He has started taking you for granted mostly because he knows you won’t leave him. I know you don’t want to leave but do you want this to be your life forever? What does he say his reasons are for being so anti social?

yes I do actually agree with this, he just complains that he is tired.

it’s like all his way or no way.

we live away from our hometown and the last time we went back to visit my best friend and one of his commented on him wanting to go home

How was he when you communicated your feelings to him about this situation? Can yiu lay down some non- negotiable boundaries about what will not accept? Will he try marriage counselling with you ?

He just says he doesn’t want to go out anymore would rather be at home.

it’s not like partying every week it’s anything from Sunday dinner for a few hours to sitting on the beach

if you explicitly express how unhappy you are. Do you think he could agree to a daye night once a fortnight to try & break his boring habit?

I really suggest marriage counselling it will let him see how serious you are

Well this is another thing we go for food and he is asking for the bill as soon as my fork goes down I just don’t get it at all

This sums up a lot of why I’m splitting up with my husband - it’s not what I signed up for. Another summer has gone by, where I’ve gone to everything on my own, and missed out on things I’d love to do as he’d rather be at home tinkering with crap in the garage and doing nothing. It’s not for me. I’ve had a good year out with old friends, and as DS is 18, I can do much more of what I enjoy. He makes me feel guilty for having a life we used to have together and I’m done.

I'm not one for armchair diagnosis, and don't usually say things like this on threads about men behaving badly, but could he be suffering from depression?

im sorry to hear that it’s hard how people completely change and you try to get the route course but I just think people change over time. My husband is the same makes me feel like crap for wanting a life which isn’t right. I’m so used to us doing everything together now to this it’s hardwork

yes that is a thought I don’t know it seems as though he will do what suits him but anything else he doesn’t care

This is how my wife and I ended up, to be brutally honest I just didn't want to socialise that much - people do change - or with her. We're getting divorced at the moment.

I wonder if he might be depressed or have a vitamin deficiency? Might be worth him getting a medical appointment to check out his general health, physical and mental.

If you don’t mind me asking have you always preferred to be at home or just over time.

If it's me you're asking, I don't enjoy going out and drinking etc as much, it's the after effects of all that. And over time I've just become happier not being in large crowds or group situations, partly from probably working 30 years in corporate and getting a bit burned out by it all. And then realising my wife and I have literally nothing in common and largely lead separate lives, so the logical decision was to separate now our child is finishing school.

It’s a form of control. I have recently left a relationship for similar reasons. Took me a very long time and wish I had done it sooner.

Agree it sounds like control as what stands out to me is that when you are home he doesn't even want to cuddle up and watch something together- you're separate in the house. So it goes beyond being a homebody/introvert. I think you need to start telling him you can't accept this behaviour OP and set some firm limits- see how he responds to that and you'll have your answer on whether the marriage is salvageable