Dating over 30.

[Sunshineismyhappy]

How many months after dating… would you say it’s good to become official.

i feel after 5 months I’m being strung along a little….

I would say by 5 months in if you’re not “official” you’re not going to be, unless those 5 months was say 3 months of texts/messages and then 2 months with just a handful of dates.

I’ve always been official within a few weeks not months, I wouldn’t waste time on someone that doesn’t make me feel good enough.

Depends if you both want children and all that?

If not then I'd be ok with something low key for about a year before being announced to the world with a gf/DP label

But if you both know you both want kids then you're right to want to accelerate that a bit.

ultimately the only right answer is the one that you're happy with

3 months.

3 months for me,anyone I’ve dated longer than that without any talks of making it official has generally just been stringing me along.This whole situationship era is unfortunately common now.Have you had any hints/talks of future plans together?Usually a good sign if you have.But ultimately we all have different time frames I guess.Would you like to make it official?

I might sound old fashioned here (I’m 39), but when my partner and I met when I was 35, neither of us spoke to/dated anyone else from that point on because we liked each other and wanted to make a go of it. Were referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend within a month and a half-ish and told each other we loved each other within a few months! Five months without any commitment would’ve been way too long for me personally

@Purplerain1985 @twobabiesandapup

thanks did the reply, to be honest with you… it’s a bit strange.
had future plans yes, but when I asked so.. how do you feel about things. It turned into “ we’re just dating at the moment ”putting a title on things put pressure on it” - he said it’s not been long at all..
so… im a little unsure what’s going on !

he’s also not keen on my dog 🤣

Oh I’ve heard this line before! I’ve been in and out of the dating game for a little while and I have to be honest…..when a guy says this,they either don’t know what they really want.Or don’t see a future with you and just want a fwb or situationship type thing.Sorry op.Or maybe they do want to take things very slow but that’s only a small percentage in my experience.Currently dating someone since July and talks of future plans,he’s told his mum and friends about me etc.If a man really wants you he will show you in my opinion.Ultimately it’s up to you what you do but I have a 3 month rule as I’m not getting any younger and don’t want to waste time.Sounds like you need to have a serious discussion or throw this one back,good luck 🤗

Not a good response – at least not one that’s good enough for what you want. He’s a time waster. Don’t wait another 6 months to figure this out.

@Didimum

thanks for clarifying this 😅 it’s really annoying because we get on so well, but he doesn’t really have intentions to having a girlfriend maybe just says see how it goes get to know each other slowly I’m not wanting it to be the typical social media relationship stuff if you know what I mean but I would like some clarity maybe ?

I think you’re bending yourself into a different shape to try and make this work. Probably for one or all of the following - 1) you’re afraid you won’t meet anyone else 2) you want him to like you enough 3) you’re projecting an imagined future with an altered version of him.

I’d ask yourself the following:
Why should you compromise on a fundamental value (eg commitment)?
Why does what he wants out of relationship trump what you want?
Why do you believe he is the projected future version on himself that you have created, and not actually who he is?
Why does a new start without him feel more fearful than a future where he continues to be lukewarm about you?

And ultimately, do you think you deserve a partner who wakes up every day absolutely beaming that he gets to be with you?

After 5 months (assuming regular, consistent dates) he should like you enough to make it official. The fact that he says a label would be pressure screams that he's emotionally unavailable and has a commitment issue - or he's not into you enough. Also, if he doesn't like your dog how is that going to work? You're never going to live together?

Walk (run!) away.

This ☝And possibly just settling for breadcrumbs and bare minimum.Never just settle,I’m guilty of it.Never again

The dog is the truth teller - not keen on the dog, not keen on you!

Coming from the other side of this - I’ve dated men who pretty quickly (within a month or six weeks) wanted me to be their “girlfriend”, but I’m only willing to label once I really really see it as a potentially long-term thing, as I want my next boyfriend to ideally be my last. So I’ll do exclusivity after say three dates, and they might even casually meet my friends. but adding the label seems more definitive. I broke things off with them after around three months when I realised I wasn’t going to get to that point. So five months sounds like they aren’t sure about you in some way or other - or they are generally scared of commitment and you need to be careful overall.