Pregnant and relationship is suddenly falling apart ):

[flowertea]

I don't really know what I expect from posting I'm just feeling really down and probably hormonal.

I'm over 30 weeks pregnant and my relationship seems to be falling apart, strangely suddenly considering we've been together for nearly 20 years and also have a teenage child together.

The main reasons as I see it are -

DP can be a difficult personality. Think a bit selfish, moody, goes into rants. I've always known this, but I think midlife has made this way more frequent and his negativity is really draining. He used to have a drink problem but has been sober for years - I am so proud of him, but he's not addressed the reasons behind anything and so is still often moody and dissatisfied with life. I know he is going through a lot with his parents being ill as well, but I am struggling to have the empathy I used to have.

He is irresponsible with money and so our finances have to be separate. He recently got into some trouble with tax and is also moody about this. I'm really seeing red about this as although it won't impact me, I am having to listen to it when it's self caused.

I also struggle with my mental health and am finding pregnancy discomforts difficult, swelling, breathless, tired etc. We haven't been intimate hardly at all this pregnancy, and even before that I have medical issues which complicate things. It feels like intimacy was the glue that held us together for years but has dwindled over the past couple. He acts hard done by and doesn't seem to realise that him being negative snapping at me makes me unattracted to him and with me feeling so tired on top I just have no interest in even doing things together or trying to jolly him along.

It's a vicious cycle. He absolutely refuses to get any help for his mental health.

I feel so foolish that I got pregnant. My teenagers also make me feel like this like they are judging me. We seemed to be in a good place for a good 8 months or so before deciding to try, but I am wondering if we even were in a good place or it was just my hormones wanting another clouding me. That's another contention - sometimes he is happy about the baby but other times when he is in a mood he'll say I 'coerced him' and he gave in to make me happy. I'm nearly 40 and he is a few years older and we met when I wasn't even 20. Maybe I'm just sick of him, but I don't understand - why now? is everything falling apart?. We were so in love once . I want to be understanding and try but I can't seem to muster the energy.

I think sit down with him and tell him how you feel.

It's a pretty big life change having another baby when you have teens and will change the family dynamic massively. It could be this that's worrying him and the pressure on lifestyle and finances perhaps?

Why are you at all with someone like this man at all?. He’s no decent example of a partner to you nor really a parent to his teenage children. You met when you were a young and naive adult and whilst you’ve grown up he has not and continues to be irresponsible in all aspects of his life. How does he get on with his teens or do they give him a wide berth?. They probably wonder why you are with him as well.

I would give this child your surname rather than his and consider how life without him in it would look. It would probably be markedly better.

He won’t likely seek help for any Mh issues because he does not think he actually have a problem with his Mh. It could well be in his case his long term alcoholism and abusive nature that is to blame. Many such people self medicate their depressed state when alcohol is itself a depressant.

Moodiness op is an example of emotional abuse. I would readily assume he dictates the tone of this household by ranting as well.