How far ahead do you think in new relationships

[Dreamsnplans]

How soon to think about the future….not to make plans but more about compatibility of ideas. Is that teased out bit by bit as you go along - or do people speak more directly and upfront.
(having children not an issue)

Examples? ‘Compatibility of ideas’ to me sounds as if it’s about politics…

Depends on how new the relationship is. But you’d generally discuss the important things at the start to make sure you want the same type of relationship and have the kids conversation. Other things come up in conversation as time goes on. If there’s something in particular that’s important to you, discuss it now? Otherwise you’ll waste time worrying or with the wrong person.

I meant things like travel plans, living arrangements when/where, etc. I have some definite thoughts and whilst I realise some will change if/when a long term relationship happens, some are unlikely to. Perhaps I’m only partly thinking about communication and partly I’m trying to figure it in my head as well.

How old are you and how long have you been together?

Religion was my first thought…

I just let things develop - because I'm in my 40s, have finished having kids and am happy keeping things light and seeing where they go. If I was 35 and looking to start a family I'd be having those conversations early though.

My view is, if kids are off the table then why the rush to be so serious upfront?

Travel plans and living arrangements: if you e.g. know that your life plan for the next few years is fixed in your head and includes taking a year-long sabbatical to do aid work in a developing country; or sell your house and move 300 miles away to be nearer your family - those are things you really need to raise as soon as you’ve both agreed you’re looking for a relationship would like to pursue one with each other. Travel plans and living arrangements just in the sense of where you’d like to go on holiday next year, or the finer details of what you’d theoretically like in a future home - can probably wait until you actually begin to plan for that.

You can be clear about e.g. “I definitely want to live with somebody again in the future and ideally I’d like to start thinking about that once we’ve been together at least two years” within the first few months of a relationship to manage expectations, without actually beginning any “planning” or putting fixed dates in place.

I think @ComtesseDeSpair ’s post is perfectly reasonable. If you’re planning to emigrate or spend a long period abroad, or you are quite clear that you’ll never cohabit or marry, or whatever, these are things to communicate early on.