I need a hand hold please

[onestepinfrontoftheother]

I've changed username because I have other posts that would be quite outing IRL and I haven't yet told anybody about this.

My partner has just told me it is over. I've been completely blindsided. Please hold my hand. I cannot see a way through this. I am absolutely devastated. I cannot imagine life without him.

Please help me see I can get through this.

I read loads of crep books when I was in your position and, I'll be honest, they were books where people were going through tough situations. I couldn't read romance or happy family stories.

And I watched programmes where people had pulled themselves out of terrible situations & I read similar real-life stories. Basically I was looking for perspective.

That worked for me & still does. I need to see & know that even though my life isn't what I want it to be, I am still fortunate in many ways.

are there any films or programmes you could particularly recommend please?

I think it's common to protect yourself by hoping something it just temporary, or giving justifications like 'he can't handle everything right now', but the unfortunate fact is that people in solid relationships do not let their partner be collateral damage to stressful or unhappy situations. it signals a weak relationships or one where one partner already has one foot out the door. In stressful or unhappy times, yes arguments and snapping may be more frequent, but your partner is 100% your solace and your home. Ditching them isn't a symptom of stress.

Definitely take a bit of time to wallow, OP (while not doing the pick me dance. Wallow but keep your integrity). Mumsnetters often get annoyed when an OP isn't taking charge within the hour, which is just wholly unrealistic for such an emotional shock.

All things considered, it's likely he has been pursuing another woman (not definite, but likely). I don't wish that to cause more pain, but it's also wise for you to open your eyes and not be clouded by the fog right now.

I agree with the above poster. This abrupt style, this unilateral ending, is a sign that deep down he, and the relationship, were shallow, brittle, fragile not wholesome and strong.

At any rate you have no choice in how you handke it. The split has happened. You are careering down the field on a runaway horse and you must jump the fence, will you nill you. So throw your heart over and jump.

Watch inspirational films that appeal to you—with zero romance. Mountain climbing? The martian? Round ghe world solo sailing? Cry all you want but set out and do what you need to do financially to secure your future as Mr. No Show has defaulted.

Are you into nature op? I’ve found my solace in landscape photography. I go hiking into the wilderness on my own (which is great for clearing your head and building confidence) and I spend time picking out the natural beauty of the world, watching sunsets develop, capturing the beauty of the surroundings. It brings me great peace and the vastness of the wilderness puts things back in perspective.

I think I need to find something like that, it wouldn't be hiking and photography for me, but that sounds beautiful. I need to really find what I love.

Right now, I'm just struggling to get through the day, and am focussing on eating and drinking plenty of water.

It always seems odd to me that when a person has family problems and work stress, they walk away from their romantic partner and the relationship

I've seen it said a few times on MN. Makes no sense to me. Surely, when you are encountering stress outside of your partner and relationship, you turn TO your partner for help, not away from them

I'm so sorry that you are in pain,OP. I'm afraid I could never trust someone who chose to walk away from me because of stress happening outside of our relationship

My advice to you is to find your anger.

That may or may not be helpful. I've found it for you, if that's useful!

How are you doing? I'm so sorry to hear this, your pain really comes across. There is no easy way to get through this, let yourself feel the pain but please do consider talking to close friends; they won't judge if they are true friends, and right now what you need is to feel loved and cared for.

I’m so sorry to read this @80s you sound so heartbroken. I really have nothing further to suggest than what had already been, but I am thinking of you

I don’t know if would work for you, but I found podcasts and audiobooks really useful. They just meant there was a constant noise to distract me when I was doing things round the house etc

Thank you all. I'm really struggling today, but this is the first day with absolutely no contact and I'm finding it so hard. I have literally sat and cried most of the day. I'm hoping I sleep better tonight and tomorrow is slightly better...

Fingers crossed for you. This might not work for you, but playing some kind of background noise on your phone or on an Alexa device if you have one, might help you to sleep. Even a fan. I listen to rain sounds on YouTube - you can get videos that play for 10 hours. Try listening to ASMR videos too, there are some lovely nurturing videos.

@NurturedMumma thank you, that is a great idea, and something I've done in the past and had forgotten. I think I read about an app somewhere that plays frequencies too. I don't know what those videos are, I'll look it up now. Thank you! That's the night time sorted, hopefully, I just don't know how to make the day time hours pass faster yet.

I'm glad I could help!

ASMR can be a little strange, depending on which accounts you watch! Some are just hair brushing videos, people like these as it reminds them of childhood memories. I watch a fair few, try Gentle Whispering, Rea Moon ASMR. There is every type of video you can think of. Think of something you might like, and you'll probably be able to find it!

Re. day, long showers, some nice food and lots of films, read, clean, get out fot a walk, take a class (pottery, flower making etc) - take it one step at a time.

Thank you so much, I really do appreciate the kindness of strangers on here. Today was an incredibly hard day, and I know I face more of these ahead. I can just do as my (changed) user name says, and put one step in front of the other, or should it be one foot.... Thank you all. Any useful suggestions and practical suggestions are gratefully received. I've set about getting ducks in a row, and have help with that, so really it is the emotional healing that I need most help and support if anyone is able, thank you.

I know I mentioned watching shows to get things in perspective.

The other thing I liked was losing myself in big binge worthy series - Downton on Netflix is a great one and This is us on Amazon Prime.

You will get through this time and you will be stronger for it.

How are you holding up @onestepinfrontoftheother ?