Help with moving on

[OkPedro]

I recently found out my ex (father of my children) is in a relationship. We split in January '23. It was a joint decision to spilt. We have remained close, getting together for our children's Birthdays and spent last Christmas together as a family in my home. I am really struggling that he has moved on, he moved on quite quickly after we split. I feel like I'm grieving. It's so intense I flit from I'm ok this is ok to crying and feeling jealous, envious and angry.
I don't want to be with ex. I am 100% sure of this so why has this hit me so hard.

Any advice while I try work through
this shit storm?
Thank you

Hi, not sure I have great advice to give but wanted to say I know exactly how you feel & how it's a contradictory thing of not wanting to be with them & knowing you were right to split but still feeling devastated that they have met someone else.

I found it really hard and just couldn't cope with thinking about them doing ordinary things together like watching TV or going to the supermarket. That was almost worse than imagining them on dates, I don't know why. It just messes with your head.
And then when the kids were introduced it was a whole thing again.

How long were you together & how old are your kids? And have your kids met the new partner yet?

Thank you. And yes to imagining them doing everyday things together. It has been worse than even thinking of them in a romantic way.
We were together on and off for 10 years. Honestly we should never have been together. We weren't right for eachother but we tried for the sake of the kids.

Mu children are young teenagers
They are fine with their Dad being in a relationship thankfully, it hasn't caused much upset. I've kept my feelings about it to myself.
Ex has said "yes I might introduce the children sometime in the future"

How did you manage when your children met exs new partner?

It felt horrible although I kept that to myself & actually helped my exH facilitate it.

It's been a while now and the kids are used to their dad being with someone else but they don't like her much - or rather they tolerate her when they have to but otherwise they aren't that fussed.

Which is a relief I have to be honest, I was anxious they were going to love spending time with her. I think their ages at meeting her is relevant though - they were already teens.

I have never met her because they didn't need any parenting so it hasn't been necessary.

It was tough and the feelings involved felt so confusing. I found it hard because I didn't ever want to end up divorced but my exH was unfaithful and pretty awful for a while there so I had no choice.

How did you two come to split?

We split when it became obvious that ex couldn't support me through an illness I had. It was an eye opening moment for both of us. We both knew there was no future.

I won't need to meet the new partner either which is a relief. Ex lives in another city 40 miles away so I won't bump into them.

My kids see their Dad EOW but now they are teens they've not wanted to go as often. If ex and new partner move in together I imagine that's when he will introduce the kids to her.

My kids got introduced when she started staying over more and was leaving "feminine things" around like cosmetics in the bathroom so it might come sooner than them moving in.

You are lucky he lives far away. My exH and significantly younger new partner live nearby which has been a source of anxiety & humiliation for me.
In the future, when the kids' circumstances allow, I intend to move to a completely new area so that finally I will stop being asked about him & being connected to him!

Oh god I'm sorry you have to put up with that.. I think I'd start telling people to fuck off who kept asking about him!

I've been told by mutual friends that exs partner is "such a lovely person and only wants the best for the children"
I don't want to know anything!