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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My brother was groomed

4 replies

TheAverageJoanne · 21/08/2025 00:58

He fancied one of his teachers in college. It seems she fancied him too. As soon as he started he said they always got on well. He was 18 and she was about 34ish. She ended up being his personal tutor and he was in a gifted and talented group and she worked with him in that. She gave him lifts sometimes after evening classes. He went to her house several times for extra tuition and he swears they didn't even kiss but they hugged. They sent cards to each other and gifts, she gave him some Jo Malone, this is back in the late 2000s. They also kept in touch when he went to university but it fizzled. The last he heard was her calling him out on LinkedIn for ghosting her about 10 years ago.

He's 37 now and married and his wife is due to give birth to their first child in the next few days. He's never told my SIL about this or our parents but I knew at the time. He'd spend loads of time with headphones on playing music and staring into space. He keeps ruminating on it and talking about it and it's concerning.

I don't know what to do just ignore it? I'm hoping when the baby arrives we'll all be so wrapped up in that it'll fade away.

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 21/08/2025 01:05

What do you mean, he's ruminating on it?

You won't like my answer. Is it possible that he's feeling really nostalgic about it? I can particularly see how this would happen as he's about to have a baby.

We had a few cases of this at my school and one of them got married.

My last boyfriend was half my age, so I guess I'm always rooting for the (antihero) age gap relationship. Prior to that, I didn't really think much of it. My mum's got two married friends who have a 30 year gap.

So what's he ruminating on? Does he feel he was groomed? Or is he hankering after his first love?

PInkyStarfish · 21/08/2025 01:14

If he was 18 he was hardly groomed. He had a massive crush on her and she was kind to him and maybe he misconstrued her kindness as being romantic affection.

Or maybe she did enjoy him having a crush on her and flirted without taking it to a physical level.

He may be dwelling on the past at this time in a ‘what might have been’ way because his life is about to change forever as he embarks on fatherhood.

Tablesandchairs23 · 21/08/2025 01:38

He wasn't groomed

user1492757084 · 21/08/2025 02:18

It seems he had a crush like many young people.
He cherished hugging his crush and made way more of it than was reality. She was kind and helpful.

His wife would be okay with him telling her that he had a serious crush, I would think. She possibly had one or two herself.

I think you need to stop worrying.

He could be embarrassed and that is why he ghosted her.

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