Change in relationship

[feelinglostttt]

I’m in a new relationship of around 9 months. Things were fantastic until my partner started a crazy busy job a few months ago. We haven’t been seeing much of each other - often once in two weeks or once a week. He doesn’t call me often either, but if I suggest it, he will. Before, we were super loved up and he couldn’t get enough of me. I’m wondering if it’s the new job or whether the initial spark / atttaction is over.
I had a wobble a few weeks ago and ended it but we got back together quickly. He promised he’d have more time for me but it’s still the same. I’m feeling very insecure. I’m not sure if it’s the job or if he’s going off me as he isn’t as affection or attentive anymore.

Any thoughts? I don’t know if I should talk to him again as I don’t want to come across needy or even what I would say if I do bring it up?

It's a very new relationship. Your needs aren't being met. I would end it now. I'm sorry to say I don't think you are his 100% focus at the moment.

If he wanted to, he would.

Sorry, OP.

Men always find the time for a woman if they are keen enough. Don't be the placeholder until someone else comes along - walk away with your dignity now. These sorts of situations tear down self esteem if we remain in them.

3 months is the honeymoon stage after that they show their true selves a little more once they know you’re hooked

Sorry it does sound like the he’s not so keen now, you wouldn’t need to chase him to call you if he felt the same.

How often did you see each other before the new job? If he’s not working weekends why can’t you see him then?

he has shared custody of his kids

OP, I’ve been with a divorced man with a big big job. He travels every week and still he always finds time for me. If he’s abroad he messages, he plans his flights also around me. Don’t be fooled, when a man wants, he finds the time. ALWAYS. I know it’s easy to say “end it” but this man is stopping you from finding the right man. It will only get worse. He’s simply losing interest, it’s that easy. And if you call him out on it, you’ll be “needy” in his mind and it will end anyway. Sorry

Big, time consuming new job. Kids to deal with. You've already broken up with him once in a 9 month relationship. Only seeing you once every week or two, he's not invested at all.

The honeymoon is over and he's just not that into you.

@feelinglosttttdoes that mean he’s not available at all at weekends? What has it been like when you have seen him recently? Do you have a set day that you see each other or is it as and when he is available?

@feelinglosttttyou say he calls when you ask - do you message inbetween these times too?

It’s fine when we are together but it’s sporadic

Yes we message every day but not a huge amount. I could make more effort.

It isnt you that needs to make more effort its him! The fact he isnt means that he's lost interest. Also, you are doing all the running. Not a great idea. I know it's an old fashioned attitude, but if you make it too convenient, he will take it for granted that you are available when he deigns to call. Be less available, next time.

I thought about this. If I make myself less available, I don’t think I’d see him for weeks!

@feelinglosttttit sounds like you do want to have a conversation with him. When are you due to see him next?

I don’t know what to say. If I should say anything. As all the other posters say, maybe he’s just not into me? I’m seeing him this weekend.

@feelinglostttti would say that you’ve had a conversation about effort and spending time together and he said he would increase these but hasn’t. Maybe explicitly state ‘I would like to see you once a week’ or whatever and see how he responds as saying he will make more effort is vague