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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorce or reconciliation

8 replies

Kea6 · 20/08/2025 19:20

So my husband left a year ago after being a nightmare and years of terrible marriage and infidelity. He had a relationship with a woman and me during the separation which has resulted in him getting warnings at work and false police reports. He wants to come back and doesn’t understand why I won’t let him. Whilst I do love him I think I might have actually reached my limit of what I can take. I never thought I’d say that but now the idea of actually ending it is looming over me and I don’t if I can do it. Being apart was awful but he lied the whole time to me. Now I have to see this woman every day and she’s made it her life mission to destroy me she considers me the other woman who stopped them being together. Ridiculous as I knew nothing about it and I am the wife who was trying to repair her family but there you go. He says I’ve led him on because I was begging him to come back but I didn’t have all the information and I no longer treat him the same. He used to say I was smothering him now he misses it. How crazy it’s confusing and gaslighting is a common theme for him. I know I’m falling into the trap if I take him back but I am struggling to be the one that breaks the whole family again over it because it’ll be the final time for it.

OP posts:
regista · 20/08/2025 19:50

Listen to your gut. One betrayal is enough for many people to say ‘no more’ and call an end to the relationship, so not unreasonable. You are doubting yourself because he is plying the pressure on. This is your call, only you can decide if you believe that trust can be rebuilt and the relationship saved.

if you are split up (your decision) you do not need to listen to anything he says about the relationship you had or getting back together. Close the conversation down every time he raises it.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 20/08/2025 19:52

He's a cheating arsehole!!.
Imagine shagging him again? . Urgh you really don't know where that penis has been op..
Yuck.
He's out. Keep the fucker out.

Berosey54432 · 20/08/2025 19:55

You deserve to be treated so much better. Is hard as it is to walk away is this what you want. Does this man bring you peace? Is this relationship healthy? If you woke up tomorrow and were 40/50 years older is that the life you would have wanted.

Kea6 · 22/08/2025 14:33

Yeah he is and always has been

OP posts:
Kea6 · 22/08/2025 14:34

He brings me no peace sadly just sadness and stress he has finally realised what he had but it took 15yrs to get there and that’s too late for me it’s so sad for the kids but I just don’t look at him the same anymore. I’m even having to move my kids school because of it all.

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 22/08/2025 14:39

You've already done the hard part by separating. Don't go backwards, you will hugely regret it.

IsawwhatIsaw · 22/08/2025 14:49

If you take him back you can expect more cheating and dishonesty.
dont waste more time on him, he won’t change.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 22/08/2025 15:12

Your family will not be broken if you don’t take him back.

Getting rid of him will be the first step towards your family healing and becoming whole again.

I cannot imagine the pain and stress this man has brought you through his dramas. Unbelievable.

Do not fall for this schtick that it is you that is breaking up the family. He alone has done that. You are going to make it better again by removing the stinking canker that is your stbxh.

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