Literally not understanding tinder and OLD and stuff ! Need a guiding hand please !

[bizzey]

Ok ..so in a wine infused evening the other night..I ventured to OLD .

Don't know how it works

2 people have liked my picture and said hi .

What do I do now !!

I told you this was literally a baby steps hand holding for someone who has not done anything for 16 years !! 😃😃!

Anyone around to help ?

How do you mean, what do I do now? If you like the look of the profile, say Hi! 😅 If not, then don’t, just unmatch and move onto the next one!

You’ll have to engage in some conversation to try and suss people out. What app are you using?

Hi ..thanks .
I think it is Tinder.

I haven't paid any money or subscription or anything .

If you like them, reply and get a conversation going.

If all they said was "Hi" I doubt I'd bother replying if they make so little effort.
If they've written a polite message but you 're not interested, message back with a polite no thank you, good luck.

Ohh dear ...
I did reply one with a ...err hi !

If all they literally said was 'hi' then I'd ignore them. They obviously have no imagination or aren't that bothered. They literally typed two letters. Minimum effort from the bat.
Wait for someone who tries to introduce themselves in a more interesting way.

Join the Burned Haystack Dating Method group on Facebook. It's a dating method designed to help women not waste time engaging with folk who are not suitable.

If you don't have FB, the lady who set up the dating method has a substack which you can read and get advice and tips that way. She's called Jennie Young.

Do I have to introduce myself ?

Best advice is to avoid the tacky sites. No need to pay though.

Hinge and Bumble are nice.

A common male strategy is to 'like' virtually every woman, so (if you are female) be prepared for a lot of approaches

Take your time getting to know people and take nothing at face value. On the other hand, if messaging someone, don't leave it too long before meeting, as you may find there is no 'spark' after wasting a lot of time and effort

It's ok to message and 'coffee date' more than one person at a time

Never divulge identifying personal info, meet people at safe public places, keep dates fairly short, and let someone know basic details if you are meeting anyone.

Good luck!

Do you not know how to converse with other humans, OP?

Fair point !

It is v daunting but I think tinder is a horror show. Just have a go but remember you don’t know them they don’t know you it’s all meaningless until you meet and even then put your big girl pants on

So I online chat first .

Just talk to them as if you were meeting someone for the first time in real-life.

Depending on what you're looking for (hook-up, casual dating, a relationship), just drop them at the first red flag – you'll save yourself a lot of time. Eg:

Him: Hi
You: Hi, I'm bizzey. Tell me a bit about yourself?
Him: I'm into blondes who know their way around a kitchen.

Drop. No reply.

OP, can I ask how old you are? Just wondering if it’s the technology that is an issue here, or just being out of the dating zone for a while.

@bizzey

You don’t need to formally introduce yourself every time. You have written your profile - that’s your intro.

If someone reaches out to kick-start a conversation, you follow that lead with a brief, interesting reply. (Don’t spend too long on these or labour over them, sometimes they go nowhere).

After a couple of these exchanges someone usually suggests a phone call (or they fizzle out, again no need to follow up, I find a lot of OLD is quite floaty; people don’t have time or inclination to follow up on everything. It seems a tacit agreement in this whole sphere)

After that I usually suggest a video call.

By then you’ll have a good idea of who you’re dealing with and what the connection is like.

Check for red flags at every stage! Just check your gut.

You don’t need to respond to every message or reply.

I’m also using the Burn the Haystack method.

If all they’ve said is hi personally I’d just delete as the likelihood they’re just liking and putting one word on as many women ax possible

Hi is so lazy and zero effort - only thing worse is when they 👋

Avoid the dude wearing a Tom Baker DrWho scarf like the plague.

If you don't know who Tom Baker is you are too young to worry about him 🙂

58 .
Left my husband 16 years ago .
Came to a new area and made a new start for me and my dc 's .

No work as I was a carer for 3 disabled family members.

Now sort of thinking...

Would be nice to have something different in my life

A word to the wise - I’m your age and the pool is shallower than a puddle after a 2 minute rain shower.

You’ll get approached by men in their 70’s wanting a nurse with a purse and there ste are A LOT of older men who are complete sex pests after very quick casual shags.

It is all a bit daunting I expect.

Have in mind the type of guy, his age and personality that might appeal/suit you.

Personally found some total pros at OLD and many are looking for just hook ups with no intention of developing a relationship or they are married 🙄😬

Do not disclose identifying info. I never use my real name and am quite guarded.

There is probably 1 prince to be had out of 1000 frogs tbh so keep that in mind.

Good luck

🤣 speaking from experience?🤣

From your posts on here , I’m actually worried about you as - without wanting to sound unkind - I’m not sure you’re really ready for the maelstrom of dross, lies and deceit you’re dipping your toes into. Without writing an essay, it’s hard to be too useful but I would suggest getting yourself a wing man / woman who’s been there already to help you navigate, check your profile, look for the red flags, show you when to ignore, to block, how to check.

Nailed it.

And not least because he's declaring love to his ex and saying he'll do anything to reconcile while on OLD.

Ask me how I know 😅