Page 2 | Gay Partner

Sarahpr · 2025-08-20T14:57:22+00:00

So found out that my partner has been having intimate relations with other men and I'm hurt by it We have been here before some years ago to which he claimed was all lies but this time I have evidence of what has been going on and it could have been going on for years. I have not confronted him yet but he has given me an STI off one of the men he has been hooking up with on the grinder app. I started with symptoms so went to a clinic who tested me confirmed I have Gonorrhea. I don't know if he is gay or bi but I cannot stay with him after this i feel so betrayed. We have two children together 1DS and 1DD who are at an age where they will know something is wrong and want to know why we have seperated so I have to take that into consideration too. I don't know how I will cope financially on my own but I will have to make it work, he brings more money in than me currently.

myplace · 20/08/2025 18:38

Sarahpr · 20/08/2025 17:34

He said he would move to his parents until he finds somewhere but on the condition I don't tell anyone anything

Show quote history

That’s a good strong position. You can sit on that for a while. It will eventually come out and won’t be your fault.

EducatingArti · 20/08/2025 18:50

I'm not sure he gets to set "conditions" after this.
Wait until he has moved out ( give him a deadline - a short one).
When he says "on condition" just say " do you really think you get to set any conditions after this?!"
Don't share what has happened in order to shame him or gossip ( though it may be tempting) but do share it with whoever you need to ( your family, close friends?) in order to get the support you need.

As far as telling your children. I think they are old enough to be told something of the truth. "Dad hasn't been respectful of our relationship and has been having relationships with other people. That's not what we agreed when we got together. It hasn't just been once or twice but it has been going on a long time and he has lied to me a lot. Because of this my trust in him has been broken and we can't live together any more but we both love you as much as ever and you will get to see and spend time with each of us."

Original poster

Sarahpr · 20/08/2025 19:21

EducatingArti · 20/08/2025 18:50

I'm not sure he gets to set "conditions" after this.
Wait until he has moved out ( give him a deadline - a short one).
When he says "on condition" just say " do you really think you get to set any conditions after this?!"
Don't share what has happened in order to shame him or gossip ( though it may be tempting) but do share it with whoever you need to ( your family, close friends?) in order to get the support you need.

As far as telling your children. I think they are old enough to be told something of the truth. "Dad hasn't been respectful of our relationship and has been having relationships with other people. That's not what we agreed when we got together. It hasn't just been once or twice but it has been going on a long time and he has lied to me a lot. Because of this my trust in him has been broken and we can't live together any more but we both love you as much as ever and you will get to see and spend time with each of us."

I will wait until he goes this weekend and then I'll sit our DC down and explain the situation.

My parents will want to know what's happend so I will be telling them the truth as for what he tells his parents..well thats up to him but if they ask me I will be telling them the truth.

OP posts:

ClassicalQueen · 20/08/2025 19:33

Tell him you will be selling the house and use the money from the sale for a deposit on yours and DC’s new home. Tell who you must for your own sanity and mental health, but don’t spread gossip. Is there much equity in the house?
As for the DC, tell them you and their dad no longer have a relationship, but keep details to a minimum, don’t mention the cheating.

Original poster

Sarahpr · 20/08/2025 19:42

ClassicalQueen · 20/08/2025 19:33

Tell him you will be selling the house and use the money from the sale for a deposit on yours and DC’s new home. Tell who you must for your own sanity and mental health, but don’t spread gossip. Is there much equity in the house?
As for the DC, tell them you and their dad no longer have a relationship, but keep details to a minimum, don’t mention the cheating.

I think im going to have issues because the house is in both names so if he refuses then I can't sell so I'll have to get legal advice regarding that.

Yeah, im not sure about the equity but houses on the street sell for 200k on average and we bought it for 120k 15 years ago.

I would never go into detail with DC about cheating etc.

OP posts:

myplace · 20/08/2025 20:01

I would withhold some of the information until after it’s settled. Information is power.

You have something he wants. Use that.