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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lost in that to do - Dating

3 replies

FeelingLostwithDating · 20/08/2025 10:30

Long time poster, name changed for this as I am completely lost.

Been dating someone for nearly 4 months. I haven't dated in years but we click, it's like I have met someone who I can be myself with, like completely.

I do worry a lot about many things, and I am worried I am being led on, I have a lot on personally ATM and I think this maybe a contributing factor but I feel like he won't commit, I am not talking weddings etc I am talking about us being "together" we're exclusive but if someone makes a comment about his girlfriend he has dismissed it saying he doesn't have one, I feel like it is all the benefits of it without having to actually have one and i worry I am being taken for a fool. I feel like I need some reassurance that he's in this and I am not just assuming we are something more than what it is....it feels like a situationship. I brought this up with him yesterday and he said that it's like I am waiting for him to leave, which tbh with how I am feeling it sort of feels that way. I am worried it's my head messing with me and I don't actually need this as tbh we are like a couple in every way it's just i feel if he wanted to say we're together he would?

Is it me, am I being irrational from being out of this world for so long and my expectations are too high or is it a reasonable time to expect to be a "something" frankly I'm nearly 40 and too old for these games I always just want to know where I stand and now feelings are becoming involved i am even more worried I will look like a fool.

OP posts:
FeelingLostwithDating · 20/08/2025 10:33

I am worried because I just don't understand this new world of dating, he is cautious because he has been hurt in the past but I have also been hurt and I am trying to move forward I am just not sure if we're at different speeds or if I am just being used.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 20/08/2025 10:38

Honestly dating makes no sense to me at this point, I have friends experiencing the same thing OP. I really don’t understand what the difference is between exclusive & “in a relationship”, for me those two things really are the same so his saying he doesn’t have a girlfriend for me is a lack of commitment, his way really of getting what he wants without any expectations.

TwistedWonder · 20/08/2025 10:49

IMO if he’s not ready to commitment you being his gf after 4 months then he’s not interested in anything other than casual until a better offer comes along

If you’re happy with a no strings short term tho g then that’s all good but if you want more then don’t waste your time

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