I’m jealous of my husbands life - default parent problems

[almostalwayslaura]

My husband has various hobbies - he plays ice hockey for a team with numerous ‘away’ games and golfs regularly. At the moment every weekend has one or the other - both of these hobbies take all day and he gets out the house to be free.

we have an 11 year old daughter with suspected ASD who is very ‘demanding’ and ‘difficult’. I work in a school so have all the school holidays off with her and I feel like I do nothing but deal with her day in, day out.

’Get a hobby’ he says, as if it’s that easy and he hasn’t been telling one thing for the last 15 years of our relationship.

Anyone else feel the same? It’s so unfair being the ‘default parent.

You need a day off to yourself on the weekend, and take turns with him. It isn’t fair that you’re doing all the parenting and he gets a free ride at weekends.

So take the other day at the weekend to yourself, why are you not doing this? He's prioritising his needs, do the same for yours.

It is that easy to get a hobby and then he should cut back his hobby time so you can go out and he stay with DD. Or you both find a babysitter for DD

You don’t have to be the default parent.

Tell him you meeting a friend Saturday, even if you’re not, and go out.

but getting a hobby is easy, just choose what you would like to do it, and do it. He says he’s happy for you to. I don’t really understand what’s stopping you, sorry.

So you’ve become the service human. I’m sure he’s loving it.
He’s not going to instigate change because the situation as it is serves him well.
So what are you going to do about it?
If you rock the boat everyone learns to swim.

He said get a hobby so get one! It doesn’t actually have to be anything but just get out, see a friend, swim, walk, whatever. Do something different every week if you want!
How is your husbands relationship with your daughter? Will they have fun together and bonding time?

If you are nervous to be away from your dd start small.
A hair cut, the library, walk around a garden centre. Meet a friend, visit a gallery, take a book to a park.
I can't tell if you don't want to leave your dd or don't trust her df to be responsible for her.
He has practically opened the front door and said, 'off you go', so grab your bag and off you go!
If your inner self is now making excuses beginning, 'but I can't just' or 'but what if' then it is you, stopping you.
Have fun x