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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not cheating, but.....

2 replies

Exdonkeylover · 19/08/2025 18:31

So, split from partner while back (months), but we'd kept in contact, more them than me. But I'll say I struggled not to message back. Met a few times and were intimate. I kept saying I needed space / no contact to move on, but that went unheard.
Its one of those we just can't make it work.
Then, (by a accident) I found out they'd stayed the night with "a friend". I was so angry, I'd actually seen them that day, then they'd gone round after seeing me (nothing happened between us that day).
They said nothing happened etc, then It took them 10 days for them to admit they were intimate, said it was a mistake, didn't intend too, there was still all that love for me, they were sorry for hurting me, they now realised how much they loved me, etc. Looking back it feels like i was love bombed.
We were intimate a few times (that I now regret) and then cut contact again. But 8 days later, they were back at "The friends" again. I actually saw them, confronted them. I'll say my behaviour wasn't great by any stretch and made a bad scene, but I was so angry (actually want to write that in capitals).
My love for them has completely gone. We've had a coffee few days after the scene, had a chat, I've said my peace at least.
But I'm 100% hurt, its 5% sadness, but 95% anger and I don't know how to rid the anger. I'm either so angry at them for love bombing / lying, or myself for all those times I messaged back (I know I'm too blame as well).
I've lost all my trust, self confidence, and if I'm not angry, I just want to cry my eyes out.

How do I make any steps to move forward? I've never had anything like this happen before?

OP posts:
Cat3059 · 19/08/2025 18:41

Just cry your eyes out as much as you need. Write him a few letters to let the anger and confusion out and burn them. Give yourself some time and space and block him on everything. Start making plans with friends and family and move on from this shitshow.

Betsy95 · 19/08/2025 18:48

Oh no sounds horrible … sorry.

I don’t have any respect for a man that will “double dip” and lie about it, it’s just grim. What a berk.

As angry as you are don’t message him or get back into a narrative over it, take your time and heal it in your own way.

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