Reconciliation after cheating

[Heyheyheu]

What is life like after taking back a cheating partner? Can people with experience please comment. Hugely appreciated.

Not me but my best friend.
She thought he'd never do it again because he'd realise how lucky he was she took him back.
He just thought he needed to be more careful about covering it up 🤷‍♀️

What's the context of the cheating and how's he convincing you that he's worth even another minute of your time?

Being brutal…. It just doesn’t work.

Hard as it is to hear once the damage is done it’s done, save yourself time and effort and move on separately.

Once the trust is gone, it’s gone forever.
It’s not worth it.

You won't get a very balanced view on Mumsnet.

There are some excellent resources on survivinginfidelity.com

It can be done, but there are many variables.

I am happy we stayed together and pleased that we have a lovely life together. But, it has been hard work and I still wish it hadn't happened.

It doesn't cross my mind that much now, tbh.

The person who has cheated has to put in a hell of a lot of work on their own initiative I think.
Counselling to understand why they made that choice, doing anything that the betrayed person needs (cutting all contact, answering questions etc, couples counselling.... depending on what they want)
It takes a lot of time to firstly rebuild the trust and secondly to not still hurt by the choices they made. The crush to your self worth can be lasting.

My ex didn't do any of this. He wouldn't tell me what happened, refused counselling and basically tried to carry on as if nothing had happened.
It took 7 years for me to realise that I had never recovered, and was hoping he'd cheat again so I felt validated in ending it.

I’m reconciled, several years now very happy.,

But this is NOT the place for informed advice.

Head to surviving infidelity. Start with the just found out forum and listen. They have excellent moderators. They will listen to your individual circumstances and offer relevant informed advice.

Oh and trust CAN be rebuilt, but it takes work from the cheat.

Please head there.

As others have said, yes it is possible. It takes time and work from primarily the one who cheated, also from the cheated on to help them understand why they want to reconcile and whether it is the right decision for them.
Trust can absolutely be rebuilt.
Another vote for Surviving Infidelity.

Its hard. I will never forget. But not being together after 22 years of marrage was even harder.
The marrage is different irs 50/50 a true partnership. I am stronger and have developed myself.
I can walk away now if needed.

Thank you so much to everyone for your highly valued and inspirational input. No matter what each one of your circumstances may be, I hope you're all at peace.

This.

I tried for 8 long years.

It wasn't worth it. I never trusted him again and I was always second guessing and checking.

Turns out I was right to aswell - he never stopped seeing the OW at all.

Your trust is shattered. Every time they’re out the door or on the phone you think they are back in touch or meeting up with them. You torture yourself on why they cheated and what the sex was like. You waste a few more years with low self esteem and anxiety and then you leave (and wish you’d done it earlier)

I forgave emotional affairs twice with my STBEX. He just worked harder at covering it up each time. The third time I finally saw that he was never going to change and the disrespect was loud and clear.

I have no experience of it, but I think in certain circumstances if someone is willing to work on why they cheated and actually understand how that makes their partner feel, it may be possible. But for me the third time was a hard no. I’m just sad I wasted ten years of my life after the first time with him.

I did some counselling after the second one and I fully forgave him and moved on. I never mentioned it again. I thought we were in a really good place so to be blindsided like I was really hurt. There was no coming back from that.

I should also note that he told me he would go to therapy and get help for his issues but never did.