Hi,
I was dumped last night and part of me thinks it’s for the best but he is so annoyed with me and convinced I am very unreasonable I just wanted a couple of opinions.
3 year relationship. We didn’t live together.
About 2 weeks ago something horrible happened to my mum and since then she has had a really horrible prognosis for the next 10 - 15 years (however long she lives).
I have been trying to help out with her care and sort a few bits out. Very difficult and I am very, very upset. She obviously is too but the point of this post is I was hoping for some support from my bf.
I told him when she was in A and E. Long story short I was talking to him about an issue with her treatment and what the options are (I can’t explain this exactly as it would be outing.)
1 - I said what the issue was and why we couldn’t do what the obvious solution was. I explained it was a possibility in the future but not now for x and y reasons.
Then what I think is the issue and what upset me with him.
He came up with a solution that I had already explained was not do able. I explained again it wasn’t do able and the reasons why. He mentioned it 3 more times that evening and eventually I started crying as it was just too much and it was upsetting having to go over and over it. He looked baffled as to why I was crying. I asked him to please stop asking me as I had explained the reasons.
He hasn’t offered anything actually helpful like a lift to the hospital (I can drive but I just mean no practical help needed).
I have lots of lovely friends who offered to do things like hover my mums houses. We didn’t take them up on the offer but I wonder if that made him look worse as he didn’t say or do anything nice but just repetitively kept making the same suggestion when I had already explained why it wasn’t possible.
Then a couple of days later he brought it up again but he now denies this. I tried to keep my cool as we were going on holiday this weekend just gone and previously when we have had an argument he has ignored me for days so I didn’t want that. I did say that I was a bit worried about his memory as he has asked me the same thing several times even though I had asked him not to. I said I thought he should go and see his gp just to get checked out. He said there is nothing wrong with his memory. The other option is he just wasn’t listening to me. Fine if I was chatting about my friends or the dog but I was talking about something that was very upsetting so I thought he should have listened.
we went on the holiday. We went last year and I know that he usually focuses on his 2 children and doesn’t make much/ any effort with me. I don’t mind this as his son has some vulnerabilities and it’s their only holiday. Also my bf had paid for the majority of it so it was a nice break for me and my kids.
So we didn’t interact much on the holiday. My son was injured just before the holiday. (minor but had to take pain killers etc). I noticed he didn’t seem to make any effort to ask my son how he was or even chat to my 2 children at all. We probably weren’t as fun as usual as my son couldn’t go on the slides due to his injury.
I chatted to his 18 year old daughter throughout the weekend and offered to help her with her uni application in September as she was feeling a bit lost with it.
I told her about a trip I had booked as a surprise for her dad to Inverness. I thought it was fine to tell an 18 year old and it didn’t really matter if she told him. We were chatting about him in general and I said I was a bit worried about his memory as I had had to repeat myself several times about my mum and it was upsetting me having to go over and over again. She said not to worry and whatever she told him went in one ear and out the other as he wasn’t listening.
Then yesterday after we got back I rung him for a chat as I usually do in the evening. He was fuming that I had told his daughter I was worried about his memory. I said she was 18 and I thought it was important to raise it with other people close to him in case anyone else had noticed an issue.
We went round in circles for a bit and he said it had upset him that I had suggested he had a memory issue and that he had been trying to help with my mum. I said it was nice once to make the suggestion but it wasn’t very nice to keep repeating it when I had already explained the complex reason why it wasn’t possible.
I said look, what do you want to do. We can keep going over and over this conversation or just leave it and move on.
He has said that he wants to end it. I was quite shocked by this and said “ok you have made your decision” and put the phone down because I didnt know what else to say.
I have spoken to 2 close friends only and they have both said they think it’s for the best and I deserve someone that listens to me. I am just feeling a bit shocked and wondered if other people think it was drastically wrong of me to mention I was worried to his daughter. I didn’t stress her out, she just rolled her eyes and said he did it to her too and it was annoying.
To me, I think it’s irresponsible to see an issue and just ignore it without trying to help and I hope someone would tell a family member/ friend of mine but he is fuming.
I suppose ultimately it doesn’t matter now as he has ended it and if the issue was he just wasn’t listening to me and was asking me the same question over and over despite knowing it was upsetting me then that doesn’t make him look great and perhaps I have had a lucky escape.