Wants to know where we are - odd?

[Blueberry010]

My brother in-law has a habit of calling and wanting to know where we are, why we've gone out, what we're doing there, how long we're going to be....

He does this on a very regular basis. He doesn't live too far from us, so can see if our cars there or not.

I find this very odd, as in our late 40s, I think we're old enough to go out and spend time together as husband and wife without informing him (brother in-law) or asking his permission....

I also feel quite embarrassed for my husband, if we're in a restaurant and he's having to explain why we've gone out and how long we're going to be.

I have mentioned to my husband that I find it very odd, but my husband thinks it's normal behaviour and there's nothing wrong with his brother wanting to know where we are.

I'm really struggling to understand what difference it makes to his brother if we go out and don't tell him. We never call him asking where he and/or his wife are.

Has anyone else experienced this, is it normal?

If my family member rang me whilst I was out, I would tell them where I was. If they asked WHY we had gone to a restaurant, I would be very bemused! Also if they were essentially stalking our house and monitoring if the car was there, I would think that was very weird.

I have a friend who used to do this. It was so weird. We’re still good friends now but about 15 years ago she went through a phase of wanting to know where i was and who with every day , and if I didn’t reply she’d ask again . Other friends noticed and started taking the piss . It came to a head and I had a go at her about it as it was making me feel very claustrophobic. It’s odd that your dh thinks this is normal . It’s not .

That’s not normal. Why does your DH think it is? Does he enquire about his brother’s whereabouts?

Why does he want to know? Is he wanting to meet up? Is he just nosey? Why does your DH tell him?

Just weird.

I think it’s weird but if he’s asking your dh and your dh doesn’t mind then I think just let it go since it doesn’t actually affect you in any way. I don’t mean that arsely, I’d be irritated by it too, but if it doesn’t actually mean anything to you except dh picking his phone up in a restaurant and having a chat (which I’d probably be more annoyed about) I’d let it go, unless there is a drip feed of some wider behaviours

Maybe he's nipping in to use your house for a quickie 🤔😬

If someone did this repeatedly it would bug me and I'd be asking them why they needed to know / why they were asking.

Does bil have form for controlling behaviour in other ways ?

No it's not normal. Why does he want to know? Have you asked him? Your DH is a fool if he's answering calls from his brother and justifying his whereabouts. The answer to his brother's questions is 'None of your business!'

It is weird, and if he is answering his phone when you're in a restaurant then your DH is rude.

I'd ask him what his fucking problem was and why he needs to know, it's not normal.