What is normal when supporting a bereaved partner?

[RipeTomatoes]

My partner lost his dad 2 months ago. It was sudden - no prior warning and my partner is in his 30s, his dad was young so it’s come as a complete shock.
He is struggling and I am trying to do all I can to support him.
I am also dealing with some difficult situations in my family - 2 close family members with serious health issues - one physical and one mental. These have been going on for some time but especially the mental health one fluctuates.
I generally try to keep my stuff low key and find other people to speak to about it, but sometimes it gets on top of me and I get upset at home. When this happens my partner cannot cope and says that he can’t deal with my tears, he has too much of his own stuff to deal with, my stuff has been ongoing for ages so it’s nothing new and basically he doesn’t have the spoons to be supportive to me in any way.

I love my partner very much, and he has been very supportive in the past before his dad passed.

Am I being unreasonable to wish that he might be able to sometimes just give me a hug and sympathise with my stuff? Is it too much to ask at this stage? I haven’t lost either of my parents yet so I don’t know really what he’s going through and I don’t want to expect things I shouldn’t and give myself even more anguish in doing so while also upsetting him even more.

I think you need to find support elsewhere - your partner is still reeling from the loss of his father. Two months is nothing - when my dad died, I was still struggling to get through each day at this stage. Grief is a heavy heavy burden to carry, it's physically painful and exhausting. Be patient with him and give him time and space to come to terms with his loss.

Honestly I lost my Dad just over 2 years ago and I'm still putting myself back together. I had no bandwith spare for anything and anyone for a good while immediately afterwards - grief is a hard process to go through. In the nicest way, you need to find support elsewhere right now. Losing a parent shakes your very foundations to the core, and he's very early in his processing journey. That doesn't diminish what you're going through either - and I'm sorry you're both having a hard time of it.

Let him grieve ,you need to confide in other people.

There is no normal. Everyone grieves differently and it’s a road of dips and troughs.

It sounds like you’re both at a point where some external support may be beneficial - as like you say, neither of you has the capacity to give the other the support they would benefit from right now.

Employee assistance programs can be useful.

Thanks - this is helpful