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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed. Fed up and lonely, do I ride it out or walk away

2 replies

NeatLimeSquid · 18/08/2025 14:35

I’ve been with my current partner (lesbian relationship) for just over 2 years. The first 6 months were absolutely amazing, couldn’t keep our hands off each other and having amazing sex at every opportunity that we could however we hit the 6 month mark and it all changed. My partner has become cold and distant, flinches when I put my arm over her in bed and has admitted that she avoids kissing me because she’s worried it will lead me on when she’s not up to it. We’re now having sex once every 6-8 weeks.
We’ve basically become friends that share a bed and occasionally hold hands whilst out and about. To the outside world we appear strong as a rock and have a picture perfect relationship but behind closed doors it couldn’t be further from the truth. I really do adore her and I know she loves me too so I’m hoping you can advise on how we tackle this and work through it. Or is it dead in the water and best to move on?
She was cheated on in her previous relationship and it absolutely broke her, I’m not sure if this is the main issue or if it’s something else deep down but anytime I communicate how lonely and disconnected I’m feeling, she says sorry, allows me to cuddle her for a night then it goes back to how it was.

Please help a girl out, we go on holiday in 5 weeks and I’ve told myself if nothing changes when we get back I’ve got to prioritise myself and walk away 😭

Shes the first person I’ve ever introduced to my 8 year old son and they have an amazing bond, I’m scared to break his heart as well as my own.

OP posts:
BillyWind · 18/08/2025 18:44

Have you actually sat down and said the above to your partner?
Have you said how the lack of intimacy affects you and how hurt you are when she shys away?
If you love each other and have a loving solid family unit, its worth fighting for but you have to communicate clearly.
In long term relationships small niggles turn into big niggles that turn into resentment. You need to talk about how you feel.
Sounds obvious but it can be the hardest thing. Talk. And make it clear what you want to change.

MamaElephantMama · 18/08/2025 18:48

You won’t break your child’s heart and I’m sure he would rather have a happy mum than a miserable one.

I think you’ve given it more than enough time for things to improve and they haven’t so it’s time to end it.

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