Feeling hurt/upset even though I know IABU

[Funsummerfun]

Any tips for dealing with this? A friend of mine has chosen to do something we would usually do together with some other friends instead. She is obviously perfectly entitled to do this, plus there are some specific circumstances on this occasion that make it completely obvious that she would invite these friends instead of me.

I know logically, rationally, and on an 'emotional intelligence' level it's unreasonable to feel hurt and upset about it, but I do. I think it's made worse as I feel like I have been left out of a few things with other friends recently, and am questioning my likability more generally. I feel like my friendships are slipping away all over the place.

It's also made worse as I know she has kept it from me and then sent a 'confession' message at the weekend. Someone else very innocently told me what was happening quite a few weeks ago, so I've known for a while. She knows I've been a bit upset about wider friendships recently, so I suspect that's why she didn't tell me. I have responded in what I hope is a positive way to say I hope they have a fab time.

Do I just need to forget about it/toughen up/grow up? I can't see any point in saying anything to her as she has done absolutely nothing wrong.

I don't think you're wrong to feel the way you do.

Lots of people (from all walks of life and backgrounds) have been in similar situations.

Friendship groups can have some very random dynamics and social politics - one person being politely sidelined or marginalised, and pushed out for no big reason at all (or some very trivial one, or someone takes a dislike to them and nudges them out).

Its normally nothing to do with anything rational or explainable.

but often your instincts are right....eg the "confession" message sounds a bit overdramatic and unnecessary.

I tend to avoid relying solely on intense groups for that reason - easier having lighter, more flexible friendships. I dont know what people are doing when I'm not with them 🤔.

We don't live in a prehistoric society, if I'm not surrounded by a group every weekend I'm not going to starve to death.

Even though its a perfectly understandable reaction, I don't think it's actually that helpful to overfunction and overthink or call people out.

Many people move on in social groups, especially as one gets older or lifestyles change, even if there isn't any falling out. Family and work often takes priority.

Mute messages or SM and don't engage so much or make a polite excuse and just focus on yourself and self-care and your goals if its stressing you out.

You'll probably feel bad for a bit then the situation will seem very different in a couple of months.