Absent Father Contact

[Orchid2602]

Looking for some perspectives on this situation please, or experiences of others. My brain is fried so be gentle!

Ex husband of a year usually sees our shared primary school aged kids twice a week - once after school and one overnight. Pays CMS calculated maintenance. He has a history of varying moods but can usually be placated into playing nice.

He has recently changed hours at his (not super demanding) job. 20 min commute. He vanished, no contact, a couple of weeks ago and has missed all contact with the kids. Finally back in contact and blaming new work schedule (think 8-6 instead of 9-5) meaning he is now too exhausted to see the kids after school/work or have them overnight and is proposing just to see them once a week for a few hours on a Saturday instead.

He has been spotted at his hobby and out socialising in the evenings.

Do I just accept this? How would you respond?

His behaviour is poor. However your priority has to be what is in the best interests of the DC. That is most likely to be contact and relationship with their father. So I would facilitate this and maybe mention that you’re aware he has found time for other things and that as DC get older they’ll also be aware so he needs to sort out his priorities.

Wow op your need to make any decisions formal with him, so he can just drop overnight visits because hes tired wow op,
Why can't he have them over night after school and drop them back to school the next day before he goes to work, then all day Saturday or Sunday, what is he playing at ,
So go formal so he can't dip in and out of children's life when it suits him op,

Is this an informal arrangement between you or court ordered?. his history of varying moods is a red flag too.

I would not readily facilitate contact with their dad given his behaviour. He cannot just pick them up and put them down when he feels like it.

Change your cms to make sure it takes our overnights and I suspect once the £ goes up he will start managing to have them again!

New girlfriend?

Hi op,
I would suggest asking him to do mediation before seeing the children again to support you making child arrangements. Mediators will really explain the bad impact on the children of him coming and going and disappearing and tell him off about this and help reiterate your view that consistent routine is essential for them.
howeever they can’t force him to have them more.
hoelfully his new job means more child maintenance for you so you can buy babysitting.

Thanks everyone. It's an informal arrangement (thought he was on board with the original plan as it was him that suggested it in the first place!) but I reckon I'll now need to formalise it.

CMS is set at the correct level. It seems like one overnight compared to none doesn't change the calculation?

I'm just so disappointed in him, and sad for my lovely kids.

No advice but I feel so sad for kids in this position. Men are such dicks!