Is my marriage over?

[Anonwife]

Where do I start…

So, I’ve been married for coming up to 15 years (I’m 41 years old) and I’m so lonely. My husband is mostly a nice guy and I do love him but I’m so upset with him right now. For the past 12/13 years he’s slept in a separate room to me. I’ve begged him to sleep with me but he never does. We have sex about twice a year and it’s always initiated by me. No touching, kissing, intimacy at all.

I have tried telling him this isn’t what I want so many times but nothing changes. It all came to a head on holiday recently but then we had the best time. Sex twice a day, kissing, intimacy, talking, laughing etc etc. I was so happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Fast forward to the day before we came home and I got upset and explained it’s because I feel like I’ve fallen in love with him (and our marriage) all over again. I told him I’m scared that we get home and everything goes back to how it was. He assured me it wouldn’t.

well I’m back in the UK crying myself to sleep all alone again!

what can I do?! Is it just the end of the marriage?? I feel like he just “performed” on holiday for me and none of it was real. I’m heartbroken.

Sorry OP, that sounds awful 😞 Very strange how he changed so much on holiday. Is something in your normal lives getting in the way, like huge work stress or family issues?

Have you spoken to him again since returning from holiday?

I feel like he just honestly tried to please me on holiday by giving me everything I need/want. I know that sounds silly but I don’t think he finds me attractive any more but I don’t think he minds not being intimate. Yes work stress is back but it was the first night we got back that he went into the spare room. So before we’d even got into work again. I do need to speak to him again but I know he knows. I’ve tried so hard to make it work and I’ve just gone along with his things have been for years but having a taste of how I want to feel loved and like a wife has made it really hard for me since we’ve come back.

You say it all came to a head on holiday , how ? Did you say you wanted a divorce. ? If so , it sounds like he’s just given you what you need so you don’t leave then all back to normal when home . Has he been cold about going back to his bedroom after saying he wouldn’t or has he given you some sort of explanation with consideration as to why he gone back to separate rooms again ?

He gave you what you wanted on holiday to give you false hope. He knows you're thinking of ending it. It's not going to change and you clearly can't live with it. You can't make a marriage work on your own, he has to participate. As a last ditch attempt you could tell him you would be willing to go to marriage counselling instead of just leaving, but that it would require he make a genuine effort, and if he doesn't, it's all off. My suspicion is that he might go and pretend to want to work it out just to appease you and it would be a waste of time, but I could be wrong.