Aggression to success?

[whydoeseveryonelovepeppapig]

Wondering if anyone has managed to have a happy successful marriage after there has been aggression?
DH is from abroad, came to England in covid, non work, no income, had a baby. Really highbstress for other reasons too plus adjusting to a new country & society.
There have been pockets of aggression - shouting in a threatening way mainly, things calmed after reflection and adjustment. Recently resurfaced with physical, though physical aggression is never ok I can see what triggered it (undermining his authority as dad)
I'm just contemplating where we go from here. Reached my limit. It can't happen again. We either work through, make necessary changes or split.
How do you decide? Has anyone on here actually turned their marriage around? Can a marriage recover from this? Respect and trust are so easily damaged with this

In my opinion no it can’t be turned around, that level of aggression like you say kills any respect and trust. I don’t think that can be regained.

For many this sounds like it would be too far & would be right to end it, BUT if you do decide to continue - please get external counselling, anger management help, etc. I highly doubt it would be turned around without any professional help. Sending best wishes.

It's a no from me, sorry OP.

People don't learn trust and respect, it's either built into the relationship or it's not.

If I've read your op correctly, his behaviour has escalated? Is that correct?

There have been pockets of aggression - shouting in a threatening way mainly, things calmed after reflection and adjustment. Recently resurfaced with physical,

If there's been escalation, there will be more.
There just will.

Please get away now, especially if a child is involved.
Sorry, but this won't get better

This too.

Why would you want to make things work with a violent unemployed cocklodger?

Wtf do you get from this abusive relationship? Is this a home environment you think a child should grow up in?

Come on OP you know the answer

Undermining his authority as a dad my arse. He has no excuse for aggression. Stop making excuses. Ugh. Leave that bully or your child will suffer.

Undermining his authority as a parent? Nah, sod that. Take control of your life.

No no way, if DH was ever violent to me I don’t think I’d ever fully trust him again.
It’s not safe for you and your child to stay with him and you need to make plans to leave.

I think the thing is OP it's not within your control to fix this.
His choice is to be violent or not violent.
Your choice is to choose to be with someone who has been violent and may be violent again, or not be with him.

You can't fix your marriage when you are not the problem in the first place. You deserve better.

Nope
My (first) husband was aggressive and violent within a year of our marriage.
Two years later I was still there, inventing excuses for black eyes and bruises.
The day he put my bestie in hospital (as she tried to defend me) was the day we split.
He will not change, and the violence will escalate. Please leave, if not for you then your child.
Its over 30 years ago and I still have trauma because of it.

In my view it pretty.much always gets worse (from what you say you've seen this as it turned physical). Please don't try to justify it re underming his authority as a dad.

It's wrong. It won't get better. Please, please leave.

Out of interest, which country is he from? Is it by any chance a really misogynistic, machismo driven one where men are the boss and women do what they’re told?

As others have said, it probably won’t get better as he’s escalating already, but if he comes from a culture where men are given all the pets Abe they expect women to obey it definitely won’t get any better.

I didn't point out, he is working, only during covid he could not secure work. Works hard, 2 jobs, high stress & some frustrations around authority/acceptance. Other than specific triggers, interactions are ok.

No. He is a man who has been physically violent to you. Why would you ever forgive that? And how would you ever trust that it wouldn't happen again? You would be very, very foolish to stay with him.

So when he’s not being an abusive cunt he’s not a bad bloke - seriously can you hear what you’re saying?

He sounds like a project not a partner - raise your bar.