Old flame | Mumsnet

Newname25 · 17/08/2025 18:06

I would go to therapy to figure out why if things have been so great do you feel the need to reach out to him.

Elixir86 · 17/08/2025 18:44

No, the only reason to reach out is because you want to start walking down a dangerous path.
How would you feel if your husband reached out to the woman he was with before you for no reason?

YodasHairyButt · 17/08/2025 18:47

Nothing good will come from “reaching out”
Give yourself a shake and let it go.

Sinceyouwent · 17/08/2025 18:51

What does ‘reach out’ actually mean? What do you want to do?

Lillibridge · 17/08/2025 20:49

Leave it in the past. It probably fizzled out for a reason.

Missj25 · 17/08/2025 20:51

ForLemonFinch · 17/08/2025 18:00

I’ve been with DH 10 years and we have 2 DC together, we had a tricky few years at the start but the past few years have been great.
Just before I met DH I was seeing someone for a few months, we had been friends for years before hand but we were young and it just fizzled out. I then met DH and he met his DW.
The problem is I can’t stop thinking about the other guy! I have seen him sporadically over the years and there is always tension like he feels the same, he’s liked a few random insta pics of just myself, every time this happens the butterflies are unreal and I can’t stop thinking of him for weeks!
I would never cheat and I don’t want to break up my family but I don’t know how to resolve these feelings.
I don’t think his marriage has been all rosey either.
what would you do? Would you reach out ?

So you’re saying you’d never cheat but clearly OP you are attracted to this guy .
Sometimes when we are with partners/ husbands & have kids , things can feel kinda boring 🤷🏻‍♀️..
This guy then , well he feels exciting..
Nothing exciting I’m afraid with dealing with the aftermath of an affair if you embark on one , which is a possibility if you reach out as you say .
Don’t reach out OP , you said yourself your marriage is happy the last few years ..
I wouldn’t risk fucking my life over with my husband & kids for a bit of excitement, no matter how tempting it can be sometimes x

Endofyear · 17/08/2025 23:20

ForLemonFinch · 17/08/2025 18:00

I’ve been with DH 10 years and we have 2 DC together, we had a tricky few years at the start but the past few years have been great.
Just before I met DH I was seeing someone for a few months, we had been friends for years before hand but we were young and it just fizzled out. I then met DH and he met his DW.
The problem is I can’t stop thinking about the other guy! I have seen him sporadically over the years and there is always tension like he feels the same, he’s liked a few random insta pics of just myself, every time this happens the butterflies are unreal and I can’t stop thinking of him for weeks!
I would never cheat and I don’t want to break up my family but I don’t know how to resolve these feelings.
I don’t think his marriage has been all rosey either.
what would you do? Would you reach out ?

Reach out for what? You think he fancies you and his marriage is rocky, you say you don't want to cheat so why would you reach out?

NewMe2024 · 17/08/2025 23:41

If you were meant to be together it would not have fizzled out, surely? Don’t reach out. Put your energy into your marriage and children.

MidnightMeltdown · 18/08/2025 02:50

Be honest with yourself OP, you wouldn’t want to reach out if you weren’t open to cheating or leaving your DH for him. If there is a mutual sexual tension, then that’s only going to intensify if you meet up. I’m not saying don’t do it, I’m simply saying be honest with yourself about what you want and the implications.