OLD - any recommendations?

[ByLimeAnt]

I've left a 25 year long relationship and was thinking of perhaps dipping my toe in the dating waters.
I'm not looking due a serious relationship, just someone to go out and have fun with.

Someone to be affectionate and laugh with.

Any suggestions? I tried eharmony but did not rate it.

Guessing you're 40s at least by the length of your marriage. I'm 50s, in my limited experience found there were married men on tinder (separated et c et c but amicably because they hadn't told the wife) and facebook dating had some nice ish people.

No real experience of any others.

I always used POF but in the end decided I would rather stay single.

I’ve tried POF, Bumble, Hinge and OurTime and decided I’d rather stay single for the rest of my life

I’m 50+ - it’s a swamp in my age category.

Yes, I'm 44. Oh dear, not sounding good!

It’s utterly soul destroying so you have to be resilient. Search for the many OLD threads on here for the full horror of it.

Changed my mind, I'm not putting that much effort in to relationship before it even is one!!

Online dating isn't a good experience. I was on there for nearly ten years and it was a heck of a slog to meet anyone, nevermind form any sort of connection.

However, I learnt to be pragmatic about relationships. Accept the genuine ones for who they were. I did meet my current partner online. Its complicated, very unlike my marriage but it works.

I'd say 80%+ of men in OLD lie to get what they require.
They'll say that they are also after similar. Fun dates, laughs and nothing long term. What they actually want is something that involves little effort and ends in their pleasure before they move to the next.
It can be fun at times with the flirtation and dates, but more often than not it's quite soul destroying and you really have to build yourself up and remind yourself how amazing you are.

Take every connection with a pinch of salt, don't expect too much from it or you'll feel let down.
There are lots of people who meet connections that work, but a lot more who don't.
There's no knowing which you'll be.

I prefer tinder as I think I expect a particular "type" so don't get my hopes up and there's almost a vibe that people are more sex based so they are allowed to say it and not pretend they want something more. The same people are on them all just selling it differently to match the tone of the app though.
For example people seem to think Hinge is tame but I got inappropriate photos and videos from a guy on there and he wanted to meet straight at a hotel so it's all the same!
I hated POF. Just random blokes messaging me.

I’m the same age as you OP and in a similar situation. I have no desire to go on OLD as I hear so many stories about how men treat women. It sounds dire for us ladies.

But I’m at the stage where I am looking for intimacy again but not a relationship, and since being single after 20 years I notice men looking at me on a night out, but no one approaches anymore! What is with that?!
I feel like I’m in a different world, what happened to the men that used to have the confidence to strike up a conversation with a woman in a bar/club?
is it not the done thing anymore?

If you're a woman, Bumble

I really think that bringing back speed dating would be a good idea - I think it still exists in some cities, but it's few and far between - there is no comparison with meeting someone in person and I think I would rather start from a face to face, even a quick meet!

But it is still a thing. Google dating in and add your local area. Should find some good date nights

Yeah as I said, I think it is in some places, just not very regularly? Probably in my city too - I'm just not sure I am ready for it yet! Maybe by Christmas!

Well best friend f.luck with it.

Our time was plentiful and worked for me, but a few odd characters appeared when the Match group arrived. Accept that everything is a lie. I didn't really understand Bumble and Hinge.

Sorry for the typos but you know what I mean I'm sure

I am same age as you and perhaps you can try Feeld?
My most recent experience with Bumble and Hinge earlier this year was that I didn’t actually message anyone who was legally single and zero dates as a result of not wanting to meet any married men still living with their family or going through divorce. The others seem to be looking for ONS or an escort with very specific expectations about grooming of my intimate areas.

I was horrified at the time but as decided to dip my toes into Bumble again and the only person I have managed to exchange a few messages with is still going this divorce (caused by his affair by the sounds of it) and was living with spouse until last month. The others just didn’t respond/sent one message and that was it - this is all from people who said they aren’t looking for anything serious. I haven’t put education/job etc and have made my profile leaning more casual/slightly flirty photos this time.

Feeld is mainly for people with kinks. Don’t ask me how I know 🤣

Personally I’ve had the best luck (if you can call it that!) on Hinge. Bumble is ok. POF is awful. Facebook dating is the worst. I’m banned from Tinder 🤣

I need to know how you get banned from tinder!

I am as well. I only joined for a few hours and they then said I violated their T&C’s - I literally logged on and swiped on about 3 people, didn’t even get to messaging stage.

I contacted their support team and they won’t tell you what the problem is and just repeat that the decision is final.

Its happened to a few people I know and none of them have a clue why.

You were probably banned for being too normal or too single 🙂

Exactly what @TwistedWondersaid. Although I was on there for several months before I got banned.