Just want someone to talk to

[1991be]

Hi everyone this is my first time ever posting and I feel in a desperate place so please be kind. I have been with my partner for around 15 years. We have 2 children together. Since I had my youngest our relationship has felt tested which of course can be expected I’m more tired, we both are and we have no one looking after our children for us atall. This is both physically and emotionally. I have a lovely set of parents but just not able to care for my kids…he has no one, (which he needs therapy for and will not go but this is not in my control) I am just wondering if anyone has been in a particularly rough place relationship wise and what did you do to help there can’t really be date nights because no one has our kids…or even date days they are not at school. My youngest wakes a lot in the evenings and nights too so even a date night at home is just impossible, and counselling he refuses for his own mental health never mind anything else. So I don’t know what I’m asking, because I know I’m not giving much option for advice but I just feel very alone, there is not one physical person I can talk to (I have tried with one friend but got told I need to leave the kids with someone) so just hoping there is someone on here who might say something that can make me feel less alone. I’m aware that ultimately we may have to separate if we can’t work through it but there are a lot of anger issues (not on my part) and he has often hinted at suicide to me so I feel like I have to tread very carefully. Thank you in advance for being kind (hopefully) if anyone does see this.

Are the children not in nursery at all? Can your partner not look after them, and vice versa, so that you can meet up with a friend?

To be honest your partner sounds toxic, with anger and mental health issues - having to ‘tread carefully’ is a slippery slope. If he’s refusing therapy then it’s highly unlikely things will change. I would seriously be thinking of and planning for separation. This doesn’t sound like a great environment for children.

Hi there
Being in a relationship can be so lonely. I hope you can find a resolution and feel more settled. I was married for a long time but now I'm single and live alone and my kids are adults, I'm less lonely than I was before.
Have you thought of counselling for yourself? There are on line ones- I have Zoom meetings with my counsellor. The other thing is chatgpt. Not as good as a real person and there is no development in the conversation but it might help you feel less alone when things are particularly bad. I hope someone here can help you. Posting on Mumsnet is the first step and a brave, self- caring thing to do xx

He has poor mental health but refuses counselling, and is angry and threatens suicide?

This sounds pretty awful OP, I'm sorry. Maybe have a read of this - it used to be pinned at the top of the Relationships board, I wish it still was!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

There's quite a lot going on. One thing to remember is that this phase won't last forever. It might help to join a support group for advice and support. Facebook has parenting groups and Barnados has groups both online and locally. There will probably be other groups near you and they can give advice on your child's wakefuless for example.

Your husband sounds like he needs support, especially if he's talking about suicide andhas anger problems. Ideally he'd see his GP, engage with treatment and get some help with his anger.

I don't know how bad things are but it might help to read up on assertiveness as you don't have to put up with someone's anger, no matter the cause or excuse. Give this a read and get some support if you feel your relationship is unhealthy.

You say you’re lonely, there are places you can connect with other mums and Home Start is still around. Have a look on your council website and see what's going on locally.

I see you’ve a couple of issues. Your husband, his mh issues and anger. Both I’d imagine worrying and stressful at the same time. To make your life easier he absolutely needs to take responsibility for both, step up and seek help. It’s quite unfair to expect you to live with someone who has these going on, leaving you, I’d hazard a guess, tip toeing around him trying to keep all the balls in the air.

You don’t say what ages your children are. So I’m going in a bit blind here. It might be helpful if a concentrated effort be put into improving yr child’s sleep patterns. I understand a child who is unwell waking several times evening/overnight, but this shouldn’t be a pattern of behavior past a certain age. This in turn will give you uninterrupted time in the evening to spend how you choose.