Is long term single life capable of bringing happiness?

[LittleCarrot12]

Been single 6 years. Total single Pringle. I have 2 children, 7&almost 10. Their father strung me along but I was so desperate for a family I let him.

I am happier without him and made the decision not to look for a partner as I’m scared it doesn’t work and it’ll cause distress to my children. I’ve never regretted that and I have a very busy life . Today I was watching my neighbours go out for a day in town to celebrate their anniversary. They looked so happy and comfortable with each other and I can’t help feel sad I’ll never have that deep long term connection. I appreciate it’s a snapshot but there must be plenty of couples who are happy.

I don’t know why but men have never been attracted to me. I doubt that’ll change when my kids grow up. I can’t help but shake the feeling that as the kids grow I will be incredibly lonely. I don’t really have many friends. I get on well with most people but it’s surface level. My pre kid friends never had children and we’ve grown apart.

I don't know the answer but I do know it is possible to be married and sad and lonely.

Of course which is why I know the I made the correct decision in becoming single. I just feel my life won’t be as happy as it would be with a supportive partner. Someone to laugh with, share the load of life.

Is there a reason why you can't look for one?

Why don’t you just dip your toe in the dating world and see if it’s for you? You must have a little bit more freedom now your kids aren’t babies anymore and you might meet someone!

I really think you have the absolute best starting point for finding genuine happiness because you’re happy and content and self sufficient single so if you welcomes a partner into your life it would only be because they added something to it and not simply to fill a perceived void or give you an ego boost or whatever.

Also, if you don’t like it or don’t meet someone, you are where you are now and you lose nothing. But it sounds like a decision you might regret later if you don’t even try now.

Single about 7.5 years. I’ll tell you this: being single is infinitely better than the cess pit of online dating. As I get older I also realise how most men add nothing to most women’s life, and often make it worse.

I won’t deny, it’d be nice to have someone other than DD to go on holiday with, but the additional shit that goes with that company isn’t really worth it IMO. I told this story a few weeks ago on here: a male friend came to stay a few weeks ago (platonic, but I think he’d like more). He had cause to go into my bedroom and noticed that I have a set up by my bed for hot drinks. This is because I wake very early and walk my dog, and like a coffee before I do this.
He said to me, “Oh, I hate to think of you up there drinking coffee during the day” - both patronising and underestimating me. I was so taken aback I just explained about the early mornings. But of course what I should have said was, “What fucking business is it of yours if I choose to drink coffee in bed during the day?”

Basically - I’m not averse to some male company but he’d have to be really fucking special for me to make time between work, DD, friends and family. And so far, I’ve met no one who comes close.

Yes it can.

But if you're asking that question I'm guessing you're longing for a good partner and that might be a problem.

Yes it can - with a good partner, I'm widowed and I took massively for granted that feeling of someone unconditionally having your back and loving you.

Online dating is a numbers game, wouldn't say a cess pit if you stay selective, after a number of months I've only gone on one date which didn't go further.

Now what I do focus on is actually going out, connecting with people, making new friends and acquaintances. I've gotten fitter, focused on what I want my life to look like in five years and work towards that.

I may not ever have another love, but I will still be looking at myself in the mirror and showing my kids how a woman lives and thrives.

Online dating is a cess pit. You still have to filter out the creeps by being selective. I had some absolutely disgusting messages.

Besides, dating apps primary function is to make money. It’s in their interest to keep people on their platforms.

Some people get lucky and meet someone decent though.

I never did OLD but it sounds like the gateway to Hell. There are lots of ways to meet interesting, nice, well-gounded people, which is what you want once you've lived alone for long enough to be contented and not want some lunatic rocking the boat.

I could never imagine a blissful unconditional love, but found it in my mid-50s, so don't rule it out OP! Just don't lower yourself for it!

Mainly because relationships need time to develop and if I’m not working I’m with my children. I have zero childcare aside from after school.

That sounds lovely 🥰

It was worth the wait... and I did kiss a lot of frogs! More than I would have done if MN had been around to set me straight at the time 😬

I also had a lousy first marriage, again MN would have been handy in those days...

I just wanted to say never say never!

I feel similar. I somehow just don’t get to date really, I’m not sure why. I was a single parent for a long time and didn’t want a relationship then, but now I have the space in my life for it and I just don’t bother. I do keep extremely busy. I think I will never meet anyone and will be single for the rest of my life. It isn’t terrible but the idea of it makes me feel deficient.

@Subwaystop I think to when I’m older I think I’ll look back with sadness that it was all in my own. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved but would like to share it with someone I think.
Just wish there weren’t as many men who suck

it all comes down to the relationships you have. You need to feel connected to some people, with good support. The people I know who have built that are happy. If you are isolated that will be hard, although you can change it

One of my best friends split with her partner 13/14 years ago. She's been single ever since, we are mid 50s now. She has no interest in dating, owns her own home and business, lots of friends, busy social life, two lovely adult children. She lives alone with her 3 cats and is happy and fulfilled. So yes, I think it's perfectly possible to be long term single and happy. Married people can be lonely, we all get lonely sometimes!