Help do I let my parents still see their grandkids?

[PrincessG11]

Hiya,

Me and my partner are currently planning our wedding (aaaaah) and my mum and dad have decided they are not coming to my wedding as they say they don’t like my partner due to a breakup we had over 4 years ago that I needed a lot of their support to get through the heartbreak.

My mother especially is very very stubborn (and quite frankly a horrible women) and has never accepted the fact that we are back together and happier than ever. Since being back together we have been better than ever have had our second daughter, have a very happy home and are cannot wait to get married and spend the rest of our lives together.

Since getting back together my parents have not seen my partner again meaning they have never came to visit the kids on Christmas I’ve accommodated for the girls sake and put them round to theirs the following day and my mum actually refused to come visit her youngest granddaughter in the hospital while my dad did but just asked if he could do it when my partner wasn’t there.

I’m absolutely heartbroken that they won’t be coming to my wedding and I can’t have myself in that situation any more and think I’m going to have to cut them off which breaks my heart but I can’t have that in my life any longer.

My daughters absolutely adore my parents especially my 7 year old daughter who’s papa is her bestest friend in the whole world so I would feel really awful cutting her off from them.

i need advice on what other people would do in this situation. Do I just go completely no contact minus when it comes to them seeing my daughters? Help please from one very stressed and heartbroken mummy and daughter

They can respect your choices and come visit in your home or accept the family has broken down. .. Dd can decide to see them when she is old enough to know why they flounced... If she wants to.
But.... If the split was due to violence or drugs I am team dps..

Your post feels very contradictory. If your mother is that bad, why do you care? And if they adore your children but would rather have nothing to do with them than attend your wedding, it suggests your partner is a pretty dreadful person.

Why did you split and what did a lot of support look like?

Hello no breakup absolutely wasn’t due to violence or drugs sorry maybe I should have put that in. Both mine and his mental health was fully in the gutter and we decided we needed to break up at that point to help ourselves heal as it was two completely broken people trying to help put the other back together.

Sorry as I replied to previous commenter I probably should have put reason for breakup on original post. We both were suffering really badly with our mental health and in trying to help eachother it ended up making ourselves worse. So we decided we needed to split to try heal. The support I receive from them was mostly emotional as I was struggling with my mental health it’s self but was also heart broken that we had split.

I think that unless there is some huge backstory such as your DH being abusive for example, then they need to grow up and accept your marriage.

I would sit down and have a discussion with them and make it clear that you’re a family unit and that you won’t be excluding DH from any arrangements going further.

If your dd has a great relationship with her grandpa then it seems a shame to completely stop any contact but if they decide they do not want to see your dd with DH present then that is their decision and they just won’t see her. You’re not cutting any contact but you’re not responsible for their actions either.

I would just make it clear that the ball is in their court and you won’t be pandering to it anymore.

What steps have both of you taken to resolve mh issues? Professional help...

That’s a bit of a non answer.

What does bad mental health look like. How was it impacting your child. How did your parents have to support what did that look like and what steps have you taken - professional input, medication etc - to manage your mental health going forward?

They must have a reason for believing he was to blame for the break up first time round. I know you are all loved up at the moment, but I would strongly advise you not to cut them off, you will need them if it all goes pear-shaped again.

they presumably arent happy for some reason you have got back with y our partner
is he a good parent?

do you have siblings who can mediate?

and yes dont step them seeing their grandparents
just because you are having a wedding.