Break up and pregnant

[Louieloo]

I’m 8 weeks pregnant I think me and my partner have been a little moody with each other, due to hormone etc. apparently I make too many comments about his lack of tidiness and help.

he sat me down last night and told me he wanted to move out with his two children from a previous relationship. He said he still wants to be in a relationship with me. And maybe live together again in the future. I got very emotional about this, as I’m finding this quite scary. I came to the decision that if he doesn’t want to stick around when things get a little difficult, that I want to end the relationship.

am I wrong for doing this he told me I was a bitch for this.

This is not the man for you.

He can’t claim he’s moody because of hormones, when you’re the one who is pregnant 🤦🏻‍♀️

If he and his two DC are living with you, he should be doing 75% of the housework and you 25% because he’s cooking and cleaning and washing up after 3 people and you are just one. If you’re doing 50% of the housework you’re being generous, and if you’re having to “remind him” to do his share, and he’s getting arsey about that, then he probably only got with you because he wanted a free domestic servant who also had sex with him. Now you’re not giving away your labour for free and your pregnancy means he’ll need to step up even more, he’s fucking off.

Are you sure you want a baby with this man? He doesn’t seem to understand that cooking and cleaning etc is all part of parenting and that HE should be doing it the majority of the time (when the kids are his and not yours) which indicates he’s going to expect you to do EVERYTHING with a new baby (& is probably why his first partner left him 🤷‍♀️).

I think that you're right. Now that you're pregnant is when you need him the most, he needs to be there to support you, care for you, etc, especially since it's your first pregnancy and everything is new for you. He should be stepping up instead of stepping down.

Maybe live together again in the future when you're in a relationship and a shared child? Ridiculous! He doesn't seem to care much about the pregnancy.

So sorry about this and it's better you get prepared to parent alone.

He’s awful for calling you names and he should be pulling his weight in the house without being asked.
By wanting to leave he is saying he won’t live with you because you expect him to help in the house (obviously there could be more to it than mentioned in the op). So to continue living together you would have to stop expecting him to help. Would you be willing to do that? Can the two of you find a compromise?
it’s not surprising you are upset he wants to move out, you are pregnant he should be committed to you not pulling away. Do you want the relationship to end? Do you want to continue with the pregnancy?
You need to think about what is the best thing for you, don’t listen to him. Decide what you want to happen and go from there. If you want him to stay suggest ways to me wet in the middle. If you want to split do it, don’t let him try to tell you what to do.

Let me guess, he will move to his mother's or somewhere where he doesn't have to lift a finger?

I would consider my relationship over if he left when I was pregnant too OP.

It’s impossible to judge without knowing if you have been hard work to live with or not, but any woman on here would be told to put herself and her children first if they were unhappy in their relationship.

The fact that he has existing children to consider is very relevant. They should not be made to live in a difficult atmosphere with a parents partner regardless of early pregnancy.

I would say OK but you will never be coming back.

I couldn't be with a man who called me a bitch, never mind leaving while you're pregnant. Name-calling is abusive, and I suspect the latter is, too - you haven't behaved as he expects you to, so now he's punishing you by moving out. It's manipulative. As is dangling the carrot that maybe it could work in the future (when you see sense and agree to behave by his rules).
On top of all that, it sounds like he doesn't pull his weight around the house, but you're not allowed to air your grievances. You MUST toe the line, or else!
Honestly, let this one go. It won't get better.

You’re right to end things. You’re not a bitch, you’re someone who has been hurt and he is angry you’re not sticking around on his terms.

He doesn’t love you and he really doesn’t sound very nice at all. Tbh I wouldn’t be keeping the baby either in these circumstances.

What a nasty thing to say. OP made absolutely no indication about not continuing her pregnancy and you have no right to suggest she doesn't.

OP you need to decide if you want to be a single parent. It’s a huge task. However hard you think it will be, times that by a 100. This relationship is almost certainly not going to last the distance based on what you’ve said. Don’t get me wrong you’ll probably limp on for a bit yet, causing you more angst and upset… but unable to communicate, step up, name calling, not meeting your needs, not responding appropriately and with empathy when you need extra care and support are all red flags 🚩. No one can tell you what to do, that’s your decision to make but if you do continue with your pregnancy, do so with your eyes wide open, knowing there will be many times you will be alone, doing it all and for much of it you will be utterly exhausted. Single parenthood often creates warrior women mainly out of necessity. It is doable, there are rewards also but 1 million percent it is not an easy path to take. Good 🍀 luck and just sorry DP is a wee boy not a man.

I didn’t suggest she shouldn’t, I suggested I wouldn’t. Bringing a baby into this situation needs careful thought.

She just said what she would do. I agree and would do the same.
There's nothing wrong with pointing out that OP has choices.

Perhaps he thinks the environment is no longer appropriate for his children?

I find these threads weird sometimes because you’re saying he is nasty so what responses do you expect?