Not sure what to do

[MeMyself00]

My husband and I have been together for 24 years (married for 18 years) and over the past three years I’ve become increasingly unhappy. I’ve talked to him about it but we are just plodding on pretending everything is fine. I want to suggest a trial separation but I’m terrified. I recently lost my Dad and I’m thinking it’s probably unwise to make such a big decision when I’m grieving. What if I completely regret it?
If we divorce we’d have to sell the house and I’m scared of where I might end up having to live. My career in non-existent since I prioritised my kids over this and always thought I’d have my husbands support in everything I did. My husband has just landed a very good job and will be financially secure and could probably afford to keep the house on by himself. I’m worried that the kids will stay with him as they are settled there (they are both teens). So basically it looks like I will have to leave and move to somewhere I can afford - which could be miles away. Help!

If you were to talk to your husband about this, what do you think his reaction would be? Let's say he understood your desire to separate: would he be supportive? If he would, then some of the specifics you're worrying about might not be as bad as you think. He should certainly understand that you have a right to a decent standard of living, and that includes where you live. I hope it goes well for you, whatever you decide. The only other thing I will say - not from experience - is that it seems to me that those who've taken the plunge and left a relationship they thought was unsatisfactory do not seem to have regretted it.

Can you say why you are unhappy? Is it anything specific to do with your relationship or do you think it's mainly because of the loss of your Dad? If so you might not be in the best place to make a life changing decision right now. Some counselling could help you to work through your feelings and help you clarify what you want your future to look like and how you can achieve it.