Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HELP!

6 replies

mamabear062022 · 15/08/2025 14:53

I have been married for 4 years now, together 6 years. We have a 3 year old daughter together. My husband is 16 years older than me and age has never been a problem. For the 6 years that we are together it was always me who initiated intimacy. Sometimes I was rejected. Whenever I discussed the issue with him, he reassured me that he’ll change but that has never happened. We’ve only being out on dates not more than 4 times (mind you we’re together 6 years) because he felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to spend any money. When it comes to spend money on me he’s bit tight. I really didn’t mind that. But he once made negative comments about my body but he apologised and said he was ignorant. I forgave him and we move on. During my pregnancy, I could tell that he was so uncomfortable accompanying me to the routine appointments. But he was there. I had traumatic birth, I was in labour for 3 days before they decided to do C-section. During those days, he was barely there for me even though he was in the hospital. Every 5 minutes, he’ll disappear. He felt so uncomfortable and the midwives could tell that. He’s a great dad. He helps out with childcare and the household chores but he’ll never contribute towards weekly grocery shopping. He earns more than me. He’s always left with more than £1300. I never really mind that . The main problem is he makes me feel unwanted, undesirable, only wants to have sex once a year and doesn’t take no for an answer. He likes to control me, like I can’t wash the dishes without him telling how to do it. I can’t drive without him criticising me. I feel so suffocated but I can’t leave because the last time I asked for divorce he got nasty. Calling me names. Call me bad mother because I want to break a happy family, he called me selfish and worse. I love my daughter so much she’s my whole world. I don’t want to be the reason why our family breaks. So I had another discussion with him and he suggested seeing a therapist like relationship counselling. I agreed but that was nearly 4 months ago , whenever I ask him about it, he says he doesn’t have enough money. He always expect me to pay for things , even the few times we’ve been out on date it was me who paid for everything. I’m not a saint either, I’m constantly angry and moody cuz I feel so lonely. I don’t have any family here except my daughter. I do shout t him , only because he won’t stop talking to me when I don’t want to . He pretends everything is fine. Tells his family that we’re doing great. He’s happy with the way things are but I’m not. Also we sleep in separate rooms. I don’t know what to do. I’ll appreciate any advice!

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 15/08/2025 15:09

Step 1. Don't mention leaving him.
Step 2. Contact a domestic abuse organisation for help and support. National Domestic Abuse helpline is open 24/7. Refuge webchat is open till10pm Monday to Friday.
Step 3. Get as much financial information as you can eg wages, investments, savings, pensions
Step 4. See a family law solicitor.
Step 5. Work with the domestic abuse organisation to safely leave the relationship.

changednameagain1234 · 15/08/2025 15:12

Omg! He sounds awful - sorry.

You do realise this isn’t normal? He sounds so cold, greedy, selfish, controlling, insulting and to top it off no sex.

Don’t tell me, your confidence is at rock bottom, you are generally anxious, sexually frustrated, lonely and feel you don’t really deserve better? If so you have him to thank for that.

Do you really want your daughter growing up thinking his behaviour in a relationship is what she should accept when she is older? Do you not want more for yourself?

Leave him, he will never change. If you are worried about him becoming nasty etc, go to women’s aid first for advice and help xx

changednameagain1234 · 15/08/2025 15:13

@MiloMinderbinder925 definitely take this advice!!

FluffyWabbit · 15/08/2025 15:15

You don't need his permission or approval to leave. Just leave if that's what you want/need to do and his opinions on the matter are the only thing holding you back.

TwistedWonder · 15/08/2025 15:21

Sorry OP but this isn’t a marriage, He’s a not a great father - he’s a controlling abusive cocklodging cunt. And the age difference is a factor because there’s a huge power imbalance between you.

You can’t be older than your 30’s - please don’t waste any more years of your life on this cretin.

mamabear062022 · 15/08/2025 15:50

Thank you everyone. I’m 29 and he’s 45.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page