MIL

[MummyKelJel]

How do I cut this woman OFF !!

we have an autistic 4 year old and this woman has had an issue with my poor son since birth , constant comments, remarks , absolutely vile things to say about a child let alone your own grandson.
I’d started to say she’s not allowed over unless my partner is here because of the comments.
Yesterday she popped over to collect a key without my partner being here and said ‘ you need to watch that one , he’s like two different people , you might want to keep an eye for bipolar or schizophrenia’

who says that about a 4 year old ??? He was trying to regulate because she’d just turned up during his calming down time before bed 🫠

ive not told partner yet and don’t know how to approach it without it being a huge argument 😩
help ?

Surely your partner already knows what she's like as she sounds unwell. Why haven't you asked her to stop making comments? Just carry on as you are and let your partner deal with her, I'm sure he knows how to handle her.

I would of told her there & then that, that comment was the final straw & she is no longer welcome in your home or around your child. That people need to watch her as shes clearly a narcissistic vile piece of sh^t.
how dare she! I am angry on your behalf.

You don't 'approach' it.

You just tell him 🤷‍♂️

I’ve asked to stop making comments before hence the agreement she’s only allowed when partner is here as comments aren’t made then 🫠

my reply at the time was ‘ why does it run in the family ??’ To which she laughed and left the house 🤦🏼‍♀️
Shes all over our 18 month old , he’s her ‘ darling ‘ ? Which makes it worse !
It hurt me , deeply ! My little boy is the sweetest soul . if she’d given him the time of day she’d see that .
luckily he has a lot of love from my side of the family ❤️

Simple. Either he tells her or you will. And he will do it a lot better than you. Because if you have to pick up the slack from him being weak and a poor husband and father then its not hold backs.

Next time she ‘calls in’ (and is she pushing a boundary she knows is there?) don’t let her past the door. Sorry mil just getting ready for tea/bed whatever you can’t come in

Or if she bakes a comment again just start with that famous answer on here ‘did you mean to be so rude?’ And say nothing more just point her to the door

As to treating the kids differently my kids would not be seeing her if she can’t treat them both the same

This with nobs on. Tell him it's non-negotiable. He can go and visit her if he wishes but you will not have her at your home, your child's home because she's a nasty poisonous bitch. As my late Grandma would have said 'put your foot down with a firm hand'

She had no reason to pop over and particularly so for a key. She deliberately sidestepped your boundary there.

Someone has to protect these kids and it’s likely going to be you rather than him. You’ve written about your partner before now.

Given her comments and overt favouritism towards your youngest neither child or you should be seeing this toxic person at all. And he needs to be told this. He can still see his mother if he wants to but that does not mean that you or the kids should. Read toxic in-laws by Susan Forward. And on a wider level think about your relationship with your man.

After someone said that about my child they wouldn't be allowed in my home without a genuine apology and a commitment I believed to never do it again (sounds like it will be a cold day in hell before she produces those). If your husband wants to retain a relationship with her then it can be done outside the home, and I would actually refuse to have my kids around her at all or at least without both of you being there, not just him (him so she shuts up, you to make sure he isn't just ignoring blatantly poor treatment).

Also. Locl your door. If he wasn't there why on earth did you let her in? You have to hold your own boundaries.

It’s tricky, tho, isn’t it? It’s her mil. Is she going to stand, obdurate at the door and refuse her entry? I’d find that hard.

Why would your boyfriend cause a huge argument? Does he like her comments, and her favouring your other child?

Edited to add- I saw your other thread. The man is bad to you and refuses to parent his kids. You could free yourself of him and enjoy happiness with your kids, rid of this awful man.

I didnt. I found it extremely liberating.

May I ask if it caused a big fall out with other members of the family? I’ve wanted to go nc with people before but the fall out would probably be epic, especially if the reason behind going nc were to come out.

None for me as at that point I had told DH I was going to divorce him as his mother was so awful and I'd rather lose him than have her in my life.

Not long after she was so awful he came home apologising and cut her off himself.
But I was on my way out. At some point you have to chose you.

Oh my word! She must have been a horror! XX hope you're free of them now.