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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is a “nice enough” relationship enough?

32 replies

Tvtoo34 · 14/08/2025 20:18

I don’t believe the grass is always greener but sometimes I see other couples (in real life that I know) and I can just tell they have a real strong true love and I feel jealous. I have a boyfriend of a few years and he is a great guy but sometimes I think is this really it for me? I know he would be good to me and if we had kids I’m sure he would be a good dad but is that enough?

OP posts:

DaisyDoodler · 14/08/2025 22:46

Crushed23 · 14/08/2025 21:33

Out of interest, were you previously married? I just think once the frenzy of trying to meet a husband ‘in time’ (ie dating in your 30s as a woman…) falls away, dating must be so much more relaxed and natural.

Show quote history

Yeah previously married. Like you say, you feel that you “should” do stuff a lot when you’re younger, for different reasons. There is definitely freedom in losing some of the expectations as you get older.

Original poster

Tvtoo34 · 15/08/2025 07:55

dreamingbohemian · 14/08/2025 21:58

Hold out for real love and emotional connection if that's what you want deep down.

I was in your situation in my late 20s, everything right on paper but something missing. He wanted to get married but eventually I just broke down and ended the relationship.

I then had a lot of dumb relationships but finally met DH, I knew within a couple months I'd spend the rest of my life with him. That was almost 20 years ago and we are still madly in love, he makes me laugh every day, we still talk for hours etc.

It's the emotional connection that gets you through hard times and keeps the spark alive.

You’re right

OP posts:

Onelifeonly · 15/08/2025 08:14

If you're asking on here, it's probably not good enough. Doubts won't disappear. They can appear during a relationship that you have committed to previously, but that's not the same thing. On the other hand, it doesn't have to be all fireworks and death defying eternal love - there's something in between.

BourgeoisBabe · 15/08/2025 08:42

I think the man you have described sounds like a great life partner. But I don't believe in soul mates myself. If you decide to hold out for a great love, you may get lucky and that may happen. But more likely, it won't in my view. And even if it did, it might be short lived.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/08/2025 08:44

It wouldn’t enough for me. I’d rather be single.

MightyGoldBear · 15/08/2025 12:16

Does he know how you are feeling?

Some people don't have the skills to connect on a deeper vunerable intimate level. If willing they absolutely can learn them.

My husband has had therapy and was willing to look at himself / work on any issues. We now have a wonderful deep connection and I find him very attractive with his continued drive to learn and improve himself, us,our life. It's lovely.

OneTrackMindToday · 15/08/2025 12:22

If he's just your boyfriend and you don't have any major ties, I'd cut your losses now. In your shoes I stayed with mine as we owned a house together and it never seemed bad enough to uproot our lives, just a little something missing. Now we're married with DC and while I love my life in many respects, I don't think we really love each other any more, and I spend a lot of time thinking 'is this it'. We could divorce but I don't really want to do that to DC.

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