Struggling with my parents marriage breakdown even though I have my own family?

[Rubylu]

Just looking for some friendly advice and ways to cope I guess.

I’m 24 and have my own partner, house and child, I don’t live with my parents but I can see that their relationship has been breaking down for a good year now, finally spoke to my mom about it and she confirmed she isn’t happy and doesn’t want to be with my dad, the problem is we have always been so family orientated, we do EVERYTHING together, multiple holidays a year, days out, dinners on the weekend, they have my little boy 3 days a week while I work, I speak to them both daily as well as my older brother who still lives with them.

It’s been eating away at me for a while I don’t know why but I am just so upset by it all, my dad has no family or friends except for us and he’s not the type of man to speak about his feelings, I worry so much about how he will cope and don’t want him to feel alone and get himself into a bad place, I can tell he’s unhappy though.

I know deep down it’s what is best for both of them. I want them both to be happy but I struggle to see a dynamic in which it will work, neither will want to leave the house etc and I can see it turning nasty.

I just feel so stupid for being so upset over it when I am a fully grown adult, but I’m really struggling.

Of course this is distressing - but it isn’t yours to fix so don’t absorb any responsibility for this.

If you wanted to, you could help find your Dad a therapist. Obviously I know you are going to say he won’t go - but he should.

I think it's completely understandable that you feel so upset - you're worried for your parents and what they're going through and you also know that this means that your life is going to change significantly. It's also difficult to know how to support them both and not take sides!

I think you have to allow yourself to grieve, talk to friends and let them support you. Let your parents know that you love them both and want them to be happy but that you don't want to be a go between or privy to every disagreement and difficulty while they are negotiating their break up. Hopefully they will manage to do it as amicably as possible and surprise you. Try not to let them drag you into any slanging matches they might have.

Eventually they will come out the other side and you will all find a new normal. They may well both be happier in the long run.

Look after yourself lovely 💐

I think it would be very upsetting. Cut yourself some slack. You’ll get through it but you’re going to grieve and adjust first 💙

Give yourself permission to grieve, of course this is a loss for you