Online presence and dating

[mnmnddddd]

Got matched online by an app.
Chatted online for just a couple of days, which was fine.
Had a phone call, which lasted a couple of hours, and that was actually lovely. No red flags, except it turned out my online presence had already been scrutinised.

I don't have any social media accounts that are visible to anyone but friends. But I do have a small public website for work and am listed on an industry specific site. I'm not difficult to find.
I have nothing to hide (or at least not that anyone could find online 🤣🤐), and there's nothing to suggest there was any malicious intent, but when we hadn't even spoken, I feel just a little ... I don't know ... not violated, not spied upon, not threatened, not weirded-out, not stalked, not vulnerable ... I think it just feels disappointing, a bit rude, or disrespectful.

Am I just being an old fuddy duddy or is it normal to go looking for someone online if you've been matched by an app?

Personally I think doing some due diligence on an online stranger is not only normal but it’s essential.

I've always looked up matches before agreeing to meet with them.

Surely it’s s common sense approach to see if someone is who they say they are before agreeing to meet!

I don't think looking you up is a bad thing. If you are out there in the public domain and you match with someone, it wouldn't surprise me if you were looked up even if it was to check photos are not old etc.

Surely online dating apps don’t give out full names when you match so how has he found you?

It's totally normal. If there's information about you online you have to assume it's going to be read at some point.

Damn right I'd find out as much as possible about someone before I met them!

The OP had two days of chat before phone conversation, so probably gave her name to him.

Checking out someone is very sensible these days. I had a date many years ago with a guy who was raising concerns about his background and overly explaining how awful his ex was. I went into the toilets to do a quick google as the whole explanation seemed off. He’d been in his local newspaper for serving a 14 year prison term for the attempted murder of his ex partner. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
Since then I’ve become rather adept at googling from limited information exchanged on an app. It’s always good to know even basic information about who you’re potentially meeting so you can keep yourself safe. Or dodge those whose socials say they’re still in a relationship.
I also rarely shared anything about myself so they couldn’t track me down if I didn’t want to meet or see them again, but it’s perfectly possible someone could Google me for the same reasons and I wouldn’t have an issue with that.
Glad I’m not dating though, it’s a minefield!

Personally I think doing some due diligence on an online stranger is not only normal but it’s essential.

this, but also I think it’s a bit socially inept to admit to it on a date!

It probably indicates a bit of anxiety more than anything else.

I think this too. I would totally Google someone but would feel really embarrassed if the other person found out what I had done 😁.

I haven't looked myself up online, but I imagine my given name (not surname), profession, town and one other bit of info from my profile would have been enough. I'm pretty sure I've heard you can find almost anyone's address with just 6 pieces of info.

As for confessing to have done it - the clues were a couple of things coming up in conversation that I was pretty sure I hadn't mentioned, and when I asked directly, the truth came out. I think the only thing that caused any embarrassment was that I hadn't done the same.
I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I had a professional website and expected online dates to find me, just as I found them. Would not have found it awkward if they mentioned my website on a date: the whole point of the website was for people to find me :) You don't mention if either of you is a woman or a man, OP, but if you are a man and the other person is a woman then I'd be surprised if she did not check you out.

Ok I suppose I have a too common name to appreciate that side of things.

I think it’s a little full on before you’ve even met to have googled you, but I don’t think it would necessarily be a deal breaker for me!