Does couples therapy work??

[etherealblaze]

My partner and I have booked our first session of couples therapy. We are both committed to the process as we want to work through our issues and stay together. The first appointment isn’t for another month.

We have done a lot of talking recently, with some difficult conversations had. We have both had to acknowledge some truths about ourselves and how we have made each other feel at times.

We want the therapy to build on these conversations, to give us (as individuals and as a couple) a different perspective and hopefully some longer term strategies we can implement before things reach the point they are at now.

We have had a tough 6-12 months, and instead of turning towards each other, we turned away. We reached what I would probably describe as crisis point in our relationship about a month ago, and since then have been working towards finding our way back, if we can.

Does anyone have any positive stories about therapy, and is it something that really helps? I think I’m just after some reassurance, I’m feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed.

A bit of background- together 10 years, children together.

It works when all three people work well together. If any one of the three doesn’t do any work or takes sides, or even if there’s just no chemistry with the therapist, then it’s a waste a time.
Just because you are waiting a month for this appointment, doesn’t mean that this therapist is the one. Keep an open mind.

@Indicateyourintentionsthank you for your reply, much appreciated.

I think it depends on your relationship and how you are progressing through communicating at home in between sessions. Also depends on the issues you had for you both to hit a crisis point in the relationship. Me and my partner have had the same thing happen recently (5 weeks ago) and we both immediately booked into individual therapy and couples. We had two sessions of couple therapy and have stopped it for now. I wouldn’t say it wasn’t useful, It’s just for us at the moment and the issues we had the individual therapy is the one that’s really helping us both individually and then because of that as a couple. Communication was the number 1 thing we were struggling the most with and what we needed to learn how to do in order the help everything else that was wrong. From the first day really we have been doing this so much better and it kind of felt we were overtaking what we were doing in the couples therapy and rehashing things we had already spoken about in a healthy way and just paying for someone to almost supervise the talk. I wouldn’t be put off doing it again in future, I can definitely feel the benefits, but for us, right now, it felt like it wasn’t working with us and what we were working through individually and together at home. It’s also really expensive so we both had to be 100% committed to it and wanting to carry on with this particular therapist, which we weren’t because we just couldn’t see the benefits or how it would help us even more. That’s our personal journey with it though, perhaps it was too soon for us after everything and we first of all have to go through issues we have that we have carried through childhood and into this relationship ( which is 14 years this year with 3 children) it could be that we revisit in future. I would go for the first session atleast and see how it feels, and go from there. Have either of you thought about individual therapy? Or already having it? Xx

@lottiestars76 thank you for taking the time to respond. I have had individual therapy before, on and off over a number of years, and found it very helpful. My partner had a different experience to me; didn’t feel the therapist was the right one for him, and stopped the sessions. This was a few years ago now.

I appreciate your point about individual therapy before couples therapy and this makes a lot of sense. We are talking and communicating as a couple probably better than we ever have at the moment, but obviously the deep rooted individual issues need to be addressed. I think your suggestion about attending the first appointment and then deciding from there is a good idea.

Thank you so much. I wish you all the best- fingers crossed for us all 😊.

I just feel that if your relationship after ten years has reached the point where therapy is needed then you are flogging a dead horse.