Confused with thoughts

[Confusedhormonal]

After a bit of advice. Both mid 40s and don’t live together. Been dating for 4 years. Thought we had a great relationship. We laugh, do lots of dates and see each other 4/5 times a week. Seem to be on the same page for a future. Only thing is sex has been less frequent, but both tired, he has not been well and I am going through perimenopause, so hormones everywhere. But affection is still very much there.

this week I found out my partner posted a selfie on a social media page of a person who is sex positive, into kinks and into swinging and looks like they are starting only fans. It was a post that just said post a selfie so I can say hi. He is liking funny memes from this group. But a selfie felt personal.

this person is someone he loosely knows and is promoting their new career.

I have confronted him and he said it was just a picture. But I see it as a step towards emotional cheating and actively seeking attention from others. Why would he do that? He says I am over reacting.

The post said post a selfie to say hi. His was of his face after his haircut, so innocent photo.

I am fairly confident he is not cheating as we are together lots and he is open with his phone use. But this does not sit right with me.

any advice

I wouldn’t be happy with this. He’s posting a picture of him looking good to start conversations about sex. That don’t involve you. That’s unacceptable.
I’d have a conversation about this and be prepared to leave it’ll be continues gaslighting you. He’ll likely make sure you don’t find out what else he does now.

He says was supporting and just bored banter. He has removed it now. But now my head is overthinking that he maybe doing this on other social media platforms.

It would give me massive ick. And obviously there’s only one real reason he did it.

Ew.

It has given me the ick. The other selfies and associated comments were from what I would class as slimy old men. He did not comment and was the only one who had a head shot (rest topless) and didn’t reply.

he is sorry and says it was just a big laugh. But is this something that erodes trust?

He IS a slimey old man! He posted a selfie so she would chat with him. That was the point! And he didn’t want to talk about the weather…

@Gymbunny2025 that’s my point. Why post if he didn’t want to converse. Not seen him in person for a few days. I needed space to think.

i think what’s doing my head in, is that this person is local. He is open with his phone so I know he has not had virtual chats with her. But she is local. Randomly also married to someone he knows. Her husband seems to know and does join the chats.

You said they are swingers and thinking of starting OF though? They want as many slimey old men as possible!

It’s not something he said he was into. I think it’s attention.

I imagine your partner just wants sex chat and free content. As I said it would give me massive ick that he’s that kind of man. But it doesn’t sound like he’s cheating.