Cant let go of narc and games

[Clmtt]

I am currently co parenting a 15 month old with my narcissistic ex.

Long story short, since he left and started a secret relationship with my so called best friend under my nose whilst I was still pregnant (they have since split up), he has not really had much interest in me.

Fast forward a year, I met someone new and he suddenly starts making inappropriate comments/ flirting/ texting to check in etc, even after me and new guy ended things.

He suggested we take our son for a day out together, as its nice for him to see his parents getting along. I agreed. The next week he invites me to his mums birthday, which I agreed to go to as I had to drop my son there anyway. We ended up having sex. Then the next week we did the day out with our son.

Since that day out, he has been cold. Apart from when I went out one night and he had our son overnight, he kept sending random updates and texts. My responses were slow and minimal as I was out.

Now, he has gone totally minimum contact, if any, and strictly about our son. One word answers, even when I let him know he fell over and bruised his head, his reply was 'bloody hell that looks awful'. No follow up. He said he would call our son today on facetime as he does sometimes, but didnt.

I know this man put me through absolute hell, but why am I STILL affected by him?
Why am I still so annoyed by this hot and cold?

What is the game and how do I end it?

Everytime I go low contact he becomes friendly and I cant help but reciprocate as we have to do this for years to come.

UPDATE
Hes been asking if Im seeing someone, flirting then pulling back.
2 weeks after we slept together for one last time, I find out hes been seeing someone. What is this game?!

I feel so annoyed with myself that I have allowed him to suck me back in and just play around with me.

I feel like I am never going to heal from this guy. I have hobbies, friends, my son etc but I feel like I cant escape him! I feel guilty if Im not friendly with him, I feel like Im being hostile but I need to break free.

You harness your strength and stop letting him set the agenda for your relationship. You stop letting him play games with you, and you start thinking like a strong independent woman instead of waiting around for crumbs from this loser. You need to channel your inner Taylor Swift. No way would she put up with this shit.

I agree with the above poster, you are allowing him to call the shots and to manipulate you. He does not have your best interests at heart, only his own. You need to go low contact, and only comunicate with him when it's about parenting otherwise he will continue to play games with you. And consider having counselling to help with your boundaries.

You are still very much into him and he knows this hence the being able to sleep with you when he can. As hard as it is you need to stop this and focus on yourself. He slept with your best friend don't forget that. Love yourself more. Do all you can to have no contact. Try to get someone else to do pick up and drop offs until you are in a better head space. But you need to break free from this otherwise you will spend years wasting your life and your self esteem and worth will be in the toilet. I have just finished reading "women who love too much" such an eye opener. Focus on yourself and not this loser. Be strong good luck

I think you need to take accountability for your own actions OP. He cheated on you while you were pregnant and yet you ended up sleeping with him again and going for days out with him. Where is your self respect? Don't you think you deserve someone who treats you better?

He's a scumbag and he's not going to stop being a scumbag. You are responsible for your own life and choices - stop having any contact with him except to arrange contact for your child. No chat, flirting, asking about his life and no spending time with him. He picks up and drops off your child, that's it. Concentrate on your own life and let him get on with his. You deserve better than this loser.

I know I can only blame myself at this point I am just at a loss because I have been a year of staying strong and I fell back in! I just signed up for therapy with a specialist in abusive relationships. I am just so annoyed at myself and feeling like I will never ever move on

Can you block him and only communicate through a parenting app and make it clear the communication must ONLY be about your shared child?