Can you check their phone?

[Melody909]

If there’s something you are suspicious of with your partner is it okay to ask to check their messages? Or not? Or would you expect them to want to show you???

Dont message on here if you’re gonna ask a trillion questions. I just want to know what people think of this topic.

You said you didn't want any follow up questions, but context does matter.

Like, have you made a habit of asking to check their phone?
What are the suspicions? Why do your u have them?
Do you have a habit of getting suspicious in relationship?

I think in a healthy, committed relationship you should be able to say that you're feeling very uncomfortable with certain of their behaviours, that you know you're crossing a line privacy wise but you'd like to see their phone.
However, the partner has every right to refuse and expect to be trusted, especially if they aren't doing anything wrong.

To be fair, in my marriage phones are just common household appliances, which are easily shared. We will just take whatever phone is closest to us when we need one, and we know each other's passwords. I think in the most healthy relationship there isn't any secrecy to begin with.

I think I understand the desire to check, particularly if there are suspicions. Having said that, I would be devastated if someone checked my messages. Although there's nothing exciting on mine it would be a breach of my privacy and that of my friends/family who message me.
I feel that if you are at a stage where suspicion is so high you feel the need to, then you should seriously question if that relationship is right for you. It shows the trust is gone.
If though, you were in the vicinity and something popped up on your partners phone that arose suspicion, it's more than fair to request to see it and their response would tell you all you needed to know.

I could check his phone if I really wanted to, yes.

Quite rightly he would absolutely not be ok with it.

People feel very differently (and often strongly) on this. Personally my DH and I are very transparent with our phones and use each others all the time. If he’s distracted on it while I’m talking to him I will ask him what he’s doing and expect him to show me. If I ask to see any messages (usually around plans that he’s made and bad at explaining) he does. I also give him the same respect. What I wouldn’t like is if he grabbed my phone behind my back and went scrolling for any ‘wrongdoing’. I don’t have anything to hide but that feels invasive.

But as others have said if my DH was showing major red flags and his behaviour had changed, especially around his phone I would have no problems checking it. And I know he would never use privacy as a defence for breaking our wedding vows. If he’s hiding something it’s because he knows he shouldn’t be doing it.

I presume you mean if you're suspicious that your partner has been messaging another woman? I suppose it depends on what has made you suspicious.

I have never felt the need to check my partner's phone and he never checks mine. I'd be uncomfortable, not because I have something to hide but because it indicates a lack of trust - if you don't have trust in a relationship, you don't have anything. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I felt the need to check my partner's messages.