I met a single dad at my son’s football. We’ve chatted a lot online over the past 7 months - mostly general chat, sometimes intimate. Also I would see him sometimes at my son’s football. I felt that as a minimum we had become friends, even if things were a bit blurred sometimes. There’s never been any suggestion of actually getting together though, but I’d have liked to. (But my situation is complicated as I’ve just come out of a long term relationship, but am still in the house with my ex and kids until it’s sold.)
It was his birthday recently and I said I’d like to get him a little something. This really came from knowing that he’d been feeling low ( he is depressed) and wanting to do something nice. He said we’d find out when we were both available (for me to give him his gift). I suggested a specific week. He said he’d find a day and get back to me. Other messages in that chat were jokey and fun. And then nothing from him, and that was 2.5 weeks ago. We’d usually chat often - from same day to every few days or so, to long chats in real time. So this is a very noticeable silence.
I worried if he was ok, but I’ve seen he’s been online so he’s engaging in something / communicating. Just not with me. And it hurts like hell.
Part of me says to ignore him right back. But I will have to see him at some point at the football. Also, to me, saying nothing says that silence is ok and is a suitable way to deal with things.
I know I can’t second guess why he’s disappeared, but I wondered if he felt awkward about the gift (despite saying it was a nice thing). So do I send a breezy message, asking if he’s ok, and just saying it’s a shame I’ve not managed to give him his gift? Saying how the idea came from a place of friendship and care - that’s all.
Don’t want to be be accusatory or tell him how much he’s hurt me. (Though initially I wanted to). Maybe he doesn’t deserve anything from me. Maybe he’s actually been breadcrumbing, disappearing when things might move beyond messaging. Whatever I said I’d be saying it for me, not him.
My alternative is to keep my silence and when I see him, it will likely be in public, He usually stands with a friend of mine at football so unless I don’t stand with her, I’ll have to stand with him too and just pretend like nothing happened???
Feel so confused and hurt.
Any thoughts please?