How would you feel if the person you were interested in still lived with their ex?

[FordTulip]

So there's a guy I'm interested in. We know each other from semi interlinked work circles, and over time got to know each other somewhat.

In recent months it became flirtier and we've made it clear we like each other. However, he's recently told me that he still lives with his ex. It took me by surprise and I'm not sure what to think about it.

I didn't pry further with what their dynamic is, and how long this has been the case, I didn't question who broke up with who or whether this is a temporary financial reason. Though these will be followed up on I'm just wondering whether this is a deal breaker for some?

He has no children, for further context.

It sounds complicated for him. Also with the association through work - sounds messy. Has the potential to blow up. So I’d say for the sake of your professional reputation maybe back away until he is finally formally separated and living along. It may just be for financial reasons but that’s not a good enough reason to risk your standing in your employment.

I’d just check if their house was on the market. If it isn’t and as you say they don’t have kids, that tells you all you need to know.

if it is then as you say you can ask for more info

I wouldn't believe that the relationship is dead.

Walk away.

I can only comment on my own situation. I’m still living with my (soon to be ex) husband having separated four months ago.

Its an unfortunate temporary situation based on practical and financial considerations.

There is absolutely zero romantic or sexual relationship between us - he sleeps in a different room. For me, there are no feelings beyond loving him as a human I’ve spent a decade of my life with. I certainly wish him well. I’d be over the moon for him if he met someone new and it wouldn’t bother me at all.

That being said he is (unfortunately) still in love with me.

I guess the risk from your perspective is you don’t know whether your person of interest is like me or like my husband in this situation, or an even more complex situation where there’s even more going on.

It's happened to me twice. In both cases, the man told me that the relationship was absolutely dead and they had not slept together for years, but there was some practical or financial reason why they had to continue sharing the house together for the foreseeable future.

However, in both cases, it turned out that, in fact, as far as the woman was concerned, they were in a monogamous relationship having an active sex life. And she in fact did not know that he was dating another woman.

I'd be thinking his ex isn't as much of an ex as he says she is.

Even if they’re completely separated and living as flatmates, they’re still too enmeshed.

Generally recently separated men are not a good catch for a relationship and even more so when they’re still under the same roof as their ex.

Unless you want to be a rebound and an unpaid therapist, steer clear

How old are you both? I feel like, in your 20s, flat shares are common aren't they

But I would shut things off with a grown man who still lives with his ex, I'd be immediately concerned x

I absolutely wouldn't get involved with someone who is still living with his ex - way too complicated! If you like him, you could ask him when he's planning to end the living together arrangements and express that you'd be open to dating when he's disentangle himself from his ex. But I'd be wary if they've just recently broken up that you could end up as his rebound!

I'd be very wary on the basis he hasn't said a lot about his situation.

Friends of ours still live together post split, but they're both very open to everyone that they're stuck there currently because of negative equity and them both having been made redundant last year (a major employer in their town went bust) and both in new jobs that pay less.

Just casually mentioning living together doesn't give you much to go on.